Like clockwork I have posts that make mention of the ex and more importantly whatever range of emotions I may have that are geared to or a result of the ex(esp when there's a friday the 13th). For those of you that are tired of reading/hearing about it....this isn't the post for you, and I understand. I for one would like nothing better to move on, but things aren't that easy.
Disclaimer: I actually maintain another blog that works more so as a modern-day diary and less as a look into the life of Dani. However, I don't want to be the type of blogger that only paints cherubs and rainbows. The purpose of this blog was to give you insight into how I see things and not how I'd like you to think that I see things.
So again...this is your time to bail.....if you're not interested in my mini-rant check out tomorrow's post.
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I wish....
1. That my ex never crossed my mind. See the thing is we didn't start out as friends, so when we broke up there wasn't an underlying friendship that we tried to salvage. We literally had nothing left. So I haven't spoken to him since we broke up. Ten years of talking several times a day (good times) and several times a week (not so good times) coming to a complete halt overnight leaves a lot of....uneasiness, discomfort, aggravation, unfinished business, _____________
2. I wish that I could delete, dim, overwrite some of the memories. It just makes me angry to have memories for no reason. Just like it makes me angry to feel like I have nothing to show for 10 years of my life. Not even a "we didn't work out but we're friends." No...nothing. It's like leaving a job and not having a letter of reference and/or not being able to use it on your resume. What in the hell was the point of all of your time????
3. I wish that I hadn't tied so much of myself, interests, goals, plans, ideas, friendships, happiness etc. into that relationship. I thought that was part of giving 100%. Actually, it's insanity. I'm realizing now piece by piece that there were so many things that I never really enjoyed, but took it as part-in-parcel with the relationship. Yes, I'm a Lifetime movie. I don't have campy lyrics on tap to a female empowerment song. Just the unvarnished truth. I'm so tired of sorting through the residual B.S.
The funny thing....I'm the happiest I've ever been....I don't know how that's possible, but I'm working hard at this relationship. I'm working hard at not letting the residual sh*t spill over and create problems. Some days its really easy to recognize that everything happens for a reason and in due time. Some days I want to kick optimism in the a&& and rage.
Today is a bit of the latter.
