Writer's Block

There are things in my mind that I need to express, but I can't seem to get them down on the screen. They are coherent thoughts, but between my brain and my fingertips they dissipate into incoherent ramblings. My english teacher once told me, "write nonsense, until it starts to make sense." Even that hasn't yielded anything.

(sigh) I'll try this again later.

Tired

The day after a trip is usually a tired one for me. However, it seems like my usual level of exhaustion has multiplied considerably. I have both cabin fever and the inability to get out of the bed....simultaneously.

Thoughts Of An Unrighteous Mind

1. I think my eyes are too small for my cheeks...Is that possible?
2. Why isn't there Hennessy flavored Pepsi...like Cherry-flavored coke?
3.Why is it that my eyes glaze over the roughness of my toes based on the amt. Of money in my acct?
4. I need to be a travel agent. I love to plan and by the time the trip comes around I don't even feel like going.
5. Do they even have travel agents anymore?
6. Valerie Pettiford is so underrated. Let me back up...Why did they cancel Half & Half?
7. Why will it cost me more to park my car @ the airport & check one bag roundtrip than I paid for the actual ticket?
8. Why is my alcohol tolerance dependent on my location?
9. Why is it that I haven't seen my friends since graduation(2004) but I don't feel like we have much to get caught up on because we chat every day on AIM?
10. Why do I lose everything that I place in my bag....regardless of the size/depth of the bag or the actual object?
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

ATL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So if "saying what you mean to say" is the name of the game and one should "name it and claim it," I'm continuing with the mantra that Sweets and I will be living in ATL sooner than later. We are so over PB county. In the meantime its time to get ready for a return trip.

Oh yea....right now....Bday Dinner is Sat night @ Strip....other details to follow later. Get ready!

Speak!

My dad called me the other day and randomly said, "I'm really proud of you." I thought he was joking. It wasn't until I got off the phone with him that I realized that wasn't the set up for a joke or an ill-timed punchline. I suppose that talking to my brother and realizing that he had some bridges to mend with his children, he decided to say the thing that he had been thinking but never actually said.

Made me think of one of my favorite songs. Seriously, I hate being vulnerable--to a fault. I don't know how Sweets puts up with it. I am learning, however, that if something/someone is important to me then I need to get out of my own way and own those feelings. Mr. Mayer thanks for another gem.

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say [x8]

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only ...

Say what you need to say [x8]

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say [x24]

Breakup Joy

Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day they'll be no remnants
No trace, no residual feelings within ya
One day you won't remember me
******************
If I can't have you, let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around
Pretty wings, your pretty wings
Your pretty wings around

Every time I hear Maxwell's "Pretty Wings" I think of how much better my life has been with all of the relationships that DIDN'T work out. Oh...the heartbreak, disappointment, hurt were a b*tch to overcome, but ultimately the only reason I'm as happy as I am today, is because whatever I THOUGHT was best for me, wasn't. So for once, I'm happy to have been wrong. I also hope that anyone that I ever thought was my "Mr. Right" is finding the same amount of peace that I've found.

I'm so glad that I'm not the master planner in my life.....who knows where I would be right now.

Rise and Shine...maybe just sparkle

When you wake up and go to the 8am service you are unsympathetically chipper at 10am on a Sunday morning. Without a definite activity to do at 10am, you are THAT person. The one that is a little too excited first thing in the morning. The one who needs to cut their caffeine consumption and replace it with a weed brownie on a daily basis. Yes folks, this morning I am that person. I've already gone through my messages and returned the calls that I never got to all week. The result is that everyone is either in the 10am (read: normal people) service or they are sound asleep. I checked Google Reader...umm the celeb bloggers aren't even batting an eyelash about last night's debauchery until noon. I've checked in with Sweets, but as it's his bday his night last night was colorful and I don't think he's even thinking vertically yet.

Nevertheless I am fully dressed, full of pep, and ready to rule the world. Now if only I could find a world that needed ruling.

(sigh) I guess I'll defer to the popular Sunday morning sentiment and turn my Shine down to a moderate sparkle....at least until noon.

365 Down......

It's been an amazing year :)

I Think I'll See 30 First

So...with the one yr anny coming up tomorrow (hi-5 sweets!). I've had a few conversations with myself about marriage and when it will/may happen. I've also had those convos with Sweets (just so you don't think I'm setting myself up for failure).

Anywho....for a better portion of my 20s the ideal has been marriage before 30. My mom had me when she was 25. The only thing that I owned at 25 was debt and a cell phone. Seriously, I don't know how she did it. In conversations with her, she doesn't know how she did it. She still calls her marriage at 24 "ridiculous" and while she's happy with the way things turned out, I wonder if the "before 30 ideal" was a burden on her back as well.

Hmm....when the ex said "I was thinking marriage in 3 yrs," as a last ditch effort to save our relationship....I did the math and said hmmmm that won't work, I'd be knocking on 30 (now I realize it had nothing to do with being 30 and everything to do with "it just won't work.")

The reality is I've gone through a year of being a part of something that feels like it is progressing naturally. Things are happening at the pace that is comfortable for the both of us and I think that the biggest problem I can create is strapping on my "gotta happen before 30" mantra and rushing things. So I'm not going to lie, this big girl pill will be a bit tough to swallow initially, but I think its for the best.

I think I'll see 30 first....and I think that will be fine.

Working Hard Is Hardly Working

Financial planning is supposed to be an action outline for the income that you have--coming in. However, a friend of mine put it best yesterday: "Financial planning is how I plan to spend my finances." I'll take it one further. My financial planning, as of late, has been how I plan to spend the money I don't have, but should have, and will eventually have--when it's too late.

Confused?

Let me explain.

In a regular company structure....one works and at the end of the week(or at the end of two weeks) you are paid. Like clock-work. The mundanity of a pay cycle is welcomed by all. However, when you work for a small company that does not have major backing or at least deep cash reserves the concept of a pay cycle is....for lack of better terms "shot to sh*t." Needless to say.....things have gotten rather interesting in the personal finance arena.

More on this later.....Unfortunately, for reasons outside of my control, there are a lot of things I can't share with you...right now. I promise true venting session will arrive sooner than later.

Get On The Board

It makes no sense that I haven't posted anything for the month of July.....tragic! I will take a page out of Rashan & Jam's book and do a list to get caught up.

Oooo I'm so behind and this is in no particular order.

Here we go:

1. Sorry I don't blog much, it's twitter's fault really.
2. My twitter page is blocked (b/c) I tend to talk abt work etc. and I can't have that out there publicly. Unfortunately if you don't follow me then even though I send you messages, you'll never see them.
3. Bet's Michael Jackson tribute was embarrassing and an abomination. They should have simply done a moment of silence at the beginning, then have had Ne-yo sing a song, then issue a statement saying "we didn't have time to get more together," go to commercial, then come back and keep on moving with the regular awards show or instead of a live show...tape one and edit the hell out of it.
4. MJ's actual memorial was really good (if that is possible for a memorial).
5. I'm secretly, or not so secretly hoping that the music from the memorial is available on itunes next week. Esp John Mayer's "Human Nature" instrumental.
6. I wish Mariah Carey had done an instrumental (no link...if you didn't see it consider yourself lucky.)
7. My 4th of July was really good and really hot.
8. My last few weekends have been a whirlwind of good times with my sister, her b/f, and my bestie in town. So much so that for the last two weeks I've been looking forward to Monday's (gasp) so that I can finally get caught up on sleep.
9. The tired/good times will continue for the next 2 weeks as tom is the one yr anny of sweets & I. His bday is Sunday and next weekend we will be in Atl doing it up.
10. Also, in the last 2 weeks I've managed to see my older sister, niece and nephew (visiting from Canada) and attended/emceed a surprise bday party for my fav. Uncle. Pics to follow.



Brother, Ash, Ven(older sis), Me

Alex & Stephen (Niece & Nephew)

Brew, Ash(sis), Sweets & The Guest of Honor-Uncle

Yours Truly