NaBloPoMo Victor

A challenge to blog every day for 30 days? Seemed rather difficult since I often went days at a time without blogging. I was comfortable blaming my casual blogging behavior on twitter.

Then this challenge came up.

The odd thing is that I blogged every day and didn't cut back on my twitter use. I actually found it pretty easy to have 30 different topics and even on the days that I didn't, I rambled.

So the real question is, "Why can't I do this when it's not nablopomo?" I don't have an answer unfortunately. Renewed and Refreshed I will do better by my blog.

Thanks...Jam, Rashan, Ana, and Madam Smith for not only blogging with me over the past month, but keeping the comments coming so that I wouldn't lose steam!

At What Point?

In about a month I will be almost face-to-face with 2010 eve. Am I missing something about my 20s???? At what point does the 'magical lifestyle' kick in?

-At what point do you get to ring in the new year at a fab party filled with your fav 20&30somethings in the sexiest of sexy attire you can find?
-At what point does the magical surprise Valentine's Day trip happen, where you're whisked away with nothing more than a wrap cap and pedicure? And/Or at what point do you spend Vday @ NY Fashion week?
-At what point do you use Memorial Day weekend as a way to really kick off the summer? (instead of just sleeping in)
-At what point is the concept of 'summer vacation' a fluid concept that happens year round?
-At what point do you spend July 4th in D.C. or Boston or if you're sense of irony is high, spend it in London?
-At what point do you get to go to Europe without having to have a year-long payment structure?
-At what point does Labor Day mean Caribbean vacation?
-At what point can you leave your passport on your dresser because you'll just have to use it again sooner than later?
-At what point does winter mean Pocanos?
-At what point do you and your friends either own your own business (and so PTO isn't an issue) or have so much PTO that all of this travel is not only feasible, it's encouraged?
-At what point do you spend the next new Yrs at home having a small dinner party, because you've done everything you wanted to do all year long?

Anticipation

I woke up anxious.....Actually I feel like I never really went to sleep. I'm not sure what I'm anxious about. Am I going somewhere and didn't get the memo? Is something ominous about to happen?

Hmmm...Just odd all around.

Today will be a series of mini posts. I'm not really sure what is on the docket. I'm off from 1 of the 3 jobs, not really sure how much actual work will be done @ the other 2.

Hmmm....yea...lets see how this day plays out.

MOH Musings

I cannot believe that I have yet to shine any light on my path as MOH. Well, J hearted P right on across the broom and now we are on my sister and her irishman. I really need to come up with a consistent nickname for esteban. I guess it would be 'esteban'. Digressing. I will do a better job chronicling the MOH-ness this time around. Ok. That might be a bold face lie.

My time on duty during the J hearts P era was completely different than what I expected. In a good way. Most of the duties given to me were right up my alley and there wasn't really much expectation besides "being there." I didn't really have to corral any of the maids, nor was I major point of contact-Score!

I can already tell that this time it will be incredibly different. These BMs (bridesmaids) are super amped and ready to go! I suppose that Ash may be the first in their immediate group to get hitched and not have a shotgun involved. Hmm...conversely. The first time around the BM's were incredibly mellow and/or inundated either with their own marriage, relationship, school, life, etc. to be 100%gung-ho. We just did what needed to be done as it needed to be done.

I can tell these new girls are really sweet. I can also tell that they are not playing games. Days after Ash announced her engagement she received wedding mags from one of the maids with notes and tabs on which pages she might want to consider. Reminds of being 'on line' actually. Should be interesting. So now that the ink on the contract is dry (mom and I did that last Saturday) and the date has been selected(Oct 16, 2010) its high time I start my posts.

I will however have to talk about them/the experience here in the blog world. Not in a bad sort of way, but in a 'sarcastic, social commentary' sort of way--my usual.

Today marks my first dress shopping experience with the bride 2 be and some of the maids.

More on that to come.

Let the games begin!

Wishful Thinking: Black Friday Edition

These are the types of Black Friday Sales that I would be excited about.

-The Supermarket:

2 gal of milk for $.99? Why Certainly.
Steak: Buy one get 3 free? Absolutely!

-Starbux:
Venti, non-fat, no-foam, upside down caramel macchiato for $1...really?
Glorious!

-The gas station:
Remember high school when you could fill up a tank on $10 and eat all week with the other $10?? Yep making a come back one-day only

-The Hair Salon:
A wash & Blow out for the low, low $10? I'll take one please and a giftcard!

-The Nail Shop:
Why yes, I'd like a mani and pedi for $10 please and thank you.

-The Bank
Buy a voucher to cover future overdraft fees.
Score!

-Drs./Dentist Office
One Day only!! Pay just your deductible and have all other costs eliminated!
Huzzah!

-Sprint(or whoever your cell phone provider may be):
Put something on your bill day and the rest is forgiven. Nice!

-Kayak:
Buy 1/3 of a flight get 3/3 of another flight free!

-SuperTarget/Walmart
Everything you can fit in one shopping bag all for $20
(Sidenote: When I used one of my reusable target shopping bags in target the other day they gave me a percentage off of my total...check it out...(true story))

-Car Dealership/Body Shop:
Just bring your car and we'll fix it....$100
Hallelujah!



I don't get the hype about black Friday, but if you see one of these sale ideas anywhere give me a call and I will be there!

Holiday Character

I'm not the type of person that says "oooo a holiday is coming up, let me hurry to complete my projects." No. Not at all. I'm the person that stops thinking days before the holiday and languishes from boredom until it's time to peace out.

Today I have:

-Spun around in my desk chair
-Practice my basketball shot with random balls of paper and the 3 garbage cans in my cubicle
-I've checked out flights....to everywhere.
-Checked out train times to Orlando (need to go, don't feel like driving)
-Made several to-do lists
-Reserved movies at Redbox online
-Got excited about Apple having a black friday sale, then remembered I didn't have any money.
-Checked out the blogs (thank goodness its blog month or else everyone would prob be on blog vacation)
-Listened to the Wale album that I bought when it came out, but never uploaded to my phone so I could actually listen to it (sigh)
-Cleaned out my purse
-Maximized and minimized several spreadsheets for variety sake
-Picked out my seats at the Lionel Richie and Jay-Z concert, respectively, from all price points (booked nothing)
-Remembered how I said I'd never work the day before a holiday again.
-Realized that I didn't take off December 23.

If Ever....

If ever there was a time to call off from work and get some stuff done today would be that day.

Over the next 2.5 hours I need to leave job 3, go to job 2 get some stuff done, log back in to job 1, go home and finish cleaning, and get to my hair appt. After which I need to physically get back to job 2 to handle what I didnt do. Why? Because Black Friday is the day we return to work and I need the stock room to be organized in anticipation of the zanyness.

I need to go to the store to buy cream for my mashed potatoes and dessert wine...because I like wine. Why didn't I do that yesterday? We literally have no room in the fridge. Not one inch. So my brother will be taking some of the food over to grams tonight. After which, I'm allowed to come home with cream.

Also, I need to drop the 3 garbage bags filled with clothes I can no longer wear off at a clothing drop, so that I'll have enough room in my trunk to carry more food to grams tomorrow.

Oh yea....I need to figure out how to get paint just on my fingernails and toes without getting it on all of the skin surrounding the nails. My usual solution is to call Loan (pronounced low-ann). How & ever, I need to keep some $ in my pockets. We'll see how this goes.

Last night, I fell asleep on top of my laundry on the mattress. I couldn't muster up the strength to make my bed. Damn, I love/hate the holidays. Ironic thing. I'm working this holiday and this weekend. Hmmm.

Oh yea...just looked at the calendar and realized i'm flying out next Friday afternoon will be back in town Monday for dinner meeting and will be back out of town that Thursday.

Damn, I love/hate the holidays.

Plan To Fail

I'm going to embark on a gross gender generalization....frankly because this rings true for my life.

When I was somewhere between 7-8 my mom sat me down and we had the puberty conversation. After that convo, she gave me a "just-in-case" bag filled with "ladies items" that way I wouldn't have to make a run to the nurse's office. I'd be prepared.

Every year, along with the items on our school supply list, we, the kids, would get new umbrellas. Why? so we could keep it in our bags and never get caught in a rainstorm (there is an umbrella in my purse right now---it's sunny out).

Going to the movies?
Make sure you take a sweater, it may be cold.

Leaving the house?
Make sure you have an emergency quarter--in case you need to make a call. (Then it was make sure you have the 35 cents, then it was make sure your phone is charged and you have money in your pocket.)

Moral of the story?

My mother has always been a planner. She looks at things as they are and as they might be. She looks at an entire picture. Impulse, rarely happens.

Now G-money (as I affectionately call my dad). Just does what he's doing, when he's doing it.

If he needs an ingedient from the store he goes to go get the ingredient. There is no checking the fridge to see if we need milk first. Nope. Not happening.

If he's going on a trip and he has meeting for two days. He is packing clothes for the meetings. That's it.

If he happens to have several things lined up in one day, then he deals with them as they come along. There is no extraneous thought to switching up the order to conquer things in a 'practical' fashion.

If he wants to see a movie, he sees a movie. Short sleeves and all.

Moral of the story?

He handles life in a A-B-C fashion as it comes to him. There is no plan.

So....I am my mother's child 99.5% of the time. At some point, planning can overwhelm me, at then that good ole Godfrey (dad) kicks in and I say f-it and just do whatever. Sweets and I butt heads on this all the time. He is a selective planner. I'm selectively (read: next-to-never) impulsive.

Much to our chagrin this difference just seems to be multiplying my leaps and bounds.

Case-in-point, we had a work meeting 30 minutes south of home. Now, immediately following the meeting Sweets needed to go to work. In my mind, it was completely logical for him to pick out his work clothes and take them to meeting. I figured after the meeting I would just drop him off @ work, knock out some errands in the area, etc. and pick him up afterward. That way we wouldn't have to stop back @ home. Oh yea, the meeting was on Sunday...I had this figured out by Tuesday...of the week prior.

In Sweets' mind, it was an early meeting and it didn't make sense to try to figure out his work ensemble and the car situation, because he wasn't sure what he'd need to do after work and if sharing a car would make sense. He jumped in the car we went to the meeting, drove back to the house, he got dressed, and went to work.

He made it on time and I'm sure his personal coup was it didn't require any additional thought.

Absolutely infuriating!

I keep my life on track by using a calendar that sends me SMS/email reminders. I leave my house in the morning with several outfits for my various jobs, a possible gym outfit (on the off chance I'll ever get back there), and some lounge clothes in case I end up @ Sweets' house. I like to have what I need. I hate backtracking!

He leaves his house in the morning in whatever he's wearing.

UGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can you live like that?

I just don't get it.

Grey Area

This week on Grey's Anat. one of the plot lines revolved around Dr. Bailey's unhappiness in her marriage, subsequent divorce, and workload. Her father traveled to spend the holidays with her and they ended up arguing about her decision to put her job in front of her family.

Of course, there are extenuating circumstances that led to the dissolution of her marriage, but the one resounding argument that her husband had with her, was her workload.

Yep, where I'm going with this one, is pretty clear.

I work A LOT.

Like....I don't have a work lull that spans more than 2 months over the last 12 years. Most of that time I was working in more than one place. Currently, my main job absorbs more of my brain power and life than it probably should. The downfall of a job that you can do anywhere is that you do it everywhere. So I don't have an actual "off" switch. I've gotten calls, emails, texts, Im's in the middle of the night, in the middle of vacation, in the middle of a date, in the middle of a dentist appointment, and in the middle of a Ladies' dr. appt. Not that I jumped to answer them as they came in, but the #1 rule of my job is I must be reachable.

Case in point, the night Saddam Hussein was executed, I was in Blue Martini, drink and computer in hand doing a write-up about it. Hit send and proceeded to 'back it up' for the rest of the night.

The crazy thing is if the company was run properly and payroll wasn't an issue, I would have no reservations abt the job. I actually really enjoy what I do and I enjoy having a never ending saga play out day-to-day.

But I fear that like Dr. Bailey, while I'm smiling on the work front I will eventually be unable to detach myself from what is fulfilling at work and solely focus on living life. I'm really thankful that Sweets has the ability to get me to slow down. I just hope that one day I'll be able to calm myself down enough to enjoy the important things, without a major intervention.

Better Than Me

I was in the salon the other day and two girls came in chatting and laughing.

Now the fact that one of the girls was white, didn't give me cause to pause, (I've seen ALOT of white women go to "black" salons to get their look right) the thing that got me was that she wasn't getting her hair done.

Ooooo girl. You are a good one. I can count one hand the amount of times I've sat in a salon with a girlfriend for the duration of HER appointment, when I didn't have one of my own. I don't have that kind of patience in my life. Inevitably the appointment won't start on time, or if it does you'll have some kind of hybrid split end issue that will lead to an extra 20 minutes. You might get the classic, "ooh girl your hair is dry, let me deep condition that" (that means another 20 minutes). There are ipod batteries tested in the duration of a hair appointment during rush-hour.

I hope that she's just getting a wash. Hmm...actually for the friends sake I hope she's just getting a wash...for the other girls sake I hope she's getting some "root-get-right."

Carry-on friend...you are a better than me.


Update:: Oh hell! The friend is getting a relaxer. Wow....and the friend is on crutches. She's TRAPPED....that's just a shame.

Yep....I filmed her...excuse the background shots...I needed to be as "discreet" as possible. Poor thing...so bored!

Aggravation

I hate being disturbed by work issues on the weekend.

I hate not being in my own place.

I hate not being able to purchase my Lionel Richie/Blue print 3 concert tickets, my day-trip flight to NYC to see the lights, or my latest boot/purse obsessions.

I hate budgets/budgeting.

I hate having tons of things that need to get done and not having the energy to do any of it.

32 Problems....But A Seat Ain't One

My mother calmly announced that the Thanksgiving Dinner count is at 32.

(Pause)

Dani: "32 what?"
Mom: "People...duh!" (she does really say duh....le sigh)
Dani: "To go where and why? They don't have families?"
Mom: "Dani**** ***** ******(full gov't) get yourself together!"

Ummm....

Ok see if you follow me on this one. Thanksgiving is not a Jamaican holiday. Not that we don't celebrate it, I'm just saying. The menu choices tend to be a bit colorful. For years I had to beg for Turkey. No seriously. You know what makes the menu every year without fail? Curried goat. Love me some goat. Don't get me wrong, but it's not on the Thanksgiving sale aisle at your local grocer.

I love going to other houses for Thanksgiving plates. Why? Because sometimes you just want a "traditional" meal. Greens please. No, not Callaloo. Greens. Collards to be specific. Gravy please. No do not point me to the curried goat gravy! Potatoes, preferably mashed. Not dumplings. Yams please. No! not the boiled yellow ones. Thankfully I have an aunt from GA so we will have mac-n-cheese. I'm pretty sure that turkey will see some jerk seasoning, though.

I'm not having a cultural identity crisis. I'm just stating how I feel. I love the dishes I grew up on, but sometimes I just want to have a plain ole Turkey Day fare.

Back to the 32 guests......32 people have signed up for our Island Turkey Day celebration. Me personally, I would've gone with a house that had some greens. Should be interesting. I don't even know where we'll put them(I know where I'm sitting!). How and ever....I'll have camera in hand once the Carrot Juice laced with white rum (seriously, you've got to get my mom to make it for you--Ok maybe there are some good pluses) starts to flow.

Dwindling Faith In Humanity

I work online. Let me pause. One of my three jobs is for a web-based media company. Therefore communication is primarily through an AIM type chat program, email, and occassionally text. Because I manage the employees at this company, I tend to use specific and deliberate wording in all of my "office communication." After all, it's a virtual work model and so things can get lost in translation.

Because I also work two other jobs, my wording is often times not only really specific and it can get really terse. Less flowery, more to the point. I don't really have time for coddling and virtual hand-holding. I need you to get my point and then get on with your business. Please and thank you.

If this post thus far has a hint of "stank" on it, then my intentions are met.

Let me explain to you why I have a heavy "sigh" and my keystrokes are a bit more aggressive than usual. I sent out an email to my top tier employees. These are the people that I meet with virtually once a week and give them guidelines and parameters for them to pass on their staffmembers. These are the employees that I know personally. We've worked together for years. If everything crumbled tomorrow, we could salvage the company with just me and this team. This team is excellent and what they do and apparently equally excellent at what they can't do. The "can't" is the minutia.

Here's my story. I sent an email to these employees. The first paragraph of the email read: "Here is the week's agenda, I'm sending this to you in lieu of our conference call. Please read the items and contact me individually if you have any questions/concerns."

Straightforward right?

I got two reply emails asking for the time of the conference call and two reply emails asking for the conference call number. I got one phone call (before 7:30am-I think I was breathing fire through the phone) asking why when they called the conference call number there was another call in progress.


Seriously?



I just....I just can't.


Log out.

Trying Times..Apparently

I'm having a working lunch to try to put a dent in this project for my boss. All of a sudden she blows past me with her shades on taking a lunch with some ladies in the department. I smile and say, "enjoy your lunch ladies!" They say thank you and leave....minutes later I do the same.

No need for me to go the extra mile if my boss is not concerned about the project.


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There was a collegiate edition of "Wheel of Fortune" on last week. Now I don't watch the show, ever, so I missed the fact that there was a HU rep on the show. My dad calls me cackling loudly. It took me a minute to realize that the cackling was meant for me to hear.

Dad: Someone from your alma mater is on wheel of fortune
Dani: Really? That's good, how are they doing?
Dad: If he can score $1 I'd be surprised
Dani: Dang Dad..thanks
Dad: (snickers)
Dani: You are really enjoying yourself huh?
Dad: Oooo he just scored! He has $2,000 and now he's only $5k away from the nearest competitor and $10k away from the top scorer.
Dani: (sigh) thanks for the update dad.
Dad: I doubt it'll happen, but I'll call you back if he stumbles on another $1, Love you...Bye!
Dani: Hell Naw!!!*face*

Compromise

This year has really been one of compromise. Shockingly I haven't had any major issues with it, but I foresee this being an on-going thing. Mainly when it comes to money and trips.

I think in our relationship we both have very specific ideas on what is considered splurging and what isn't. Thusly when it comes to saving and overall money management things get interesting.

Now I definitely did more travelling in 2009 than I did in 2008, but I plan to get good and ignorant with the travelling in 2010.

There are definitely some things that Sweets and I have on the docket(most definitely a trip to JA amongst other things), Ana and I have been dancing around a girl's trip--which I'm naming and claiming in '10, I'd like to see DC at least twice, I want to try out the Pod hotel in NYC, I also foresee a trip with the Smiths, Mom doesn't know it but she and I are doing ATL at some point, and I think I might end up taking my own weekend trip to see how crazy I drive myself.

All-in-all I want my suitcase in constant rotation.

Here is where the compromise part comes in.....I don't mind travelling within a budget. I, of course, prefer to be able to go anywhere and do everything, but if I have enough to buy dinner than I don't mind just walking around and taking in the free sights etc. Sweets, at times, feels like we should hold off on trips if we won't be able to do everything we'd like, due to finances. I've come to realize that if I wait until I have the finances to do things then the only thing I will have done...is wait.

So of course I googled some suggestions on how best to work on your compromising skills in a relationship and here is what I found....Thoughts?

Step 1
Set emotions aside. When seeking to compromise on an issue in a relationship, the first thing you must do is leave emotions out of the conversation. You need to be able to logically look at the situation and think about what you need instead of what you want.
Step 2
Weigh the pros and cons of the situation. When you are in a situation that calls for compromise, each person is seeking the opposite solution. Each person needs to write down the pros and cons of what they want, and then they need to compare their list to the list of the other person. This will help you measure the goals that you have in common and perhaps help you to find a middle ground.
Step 3
Remember to think of yourself as a couple and not as individuals. The most stubborn people fail to think of the couple as a unit, but as two individuals. You will never be able to compromise if you are only thinking about yourself.
Step 4
Pick your battles. There will be times when you feel so strongly about a topic that you do not want to compromise. If you are willing to compromise 99 percent of the time, those times when you feel too strong to budge on a issue, your spouse may be more willing to give in.
Step 5
Be happy with the outcome and don’t linger on what you may have “lost.” Compromise is not a game of winning and losing. It is a win-win situation. You are doing what is best for you as a couple and it will be beneficial to your future. Once the decision in made, let go of any emotions that may cause you to be unhappy with the decision.

Wasting My Time

-Do not ask me for information that I addressed in the first line of the email that I just sent you.

-Do not jump in the bathroom before me, if you don't have anything planned for your day. Meanwhile, I've got 15 minutes to make my 20 minute drive to work.

-Do not stand in front of me taking 15 minutes to assess which candy you want from the CLEAR candy jar. You don't have to empty the jar and physically touch all of the pieces....it's clear! Either you want some or you don't!

-(I am in a payment program for one of my loans. I was told that I could make payments online.) Do not call me about the payment, if I've already made it online. It's not a real option if you don't have proper communication between the virtual payment process and your landline operators.

-Do not sit in the house and say nothing to me until I have bag in hand and one foot out the door.

-Do not ask me what I want to eat, tell me there is food at home and in the same breath tell me that you don't feel like cooking.

-Do not hand me a towel to use on my clean body if it smells like last week.

-Do not take this to heart, I'm just having a bit of a rant.

Food Associations

I have some odd food associations and because very few people are actually up at this moment I've decided to share it with the blogosphere.

1. Every time I go swimming I crave hamburgers.
Something about pools & beaches make me thing picnics, summer camp, etc. I need hamburgers.

2. Coffee in the AM...I crave pretzels
Because in one of my old offices there were pretzels packs right above the coffee machine...yumE!





3. Thursday nights I want spaghetti & wine.
This was before Shonda pumped up the gore factor on Grey's....but Thursdays have always meant great tv and for some reason I always want my fab spaghetti (sorry I'm really in love with my own spaghetti) and good wine. Now that Grey's is too yuck for me to eat while I watch I usually get dinner out of the way before I hear Meredith's voice during the opening monologue.



4. Payday...I want sushi or cuban food.
When you're in that moment before your money disappears to bills and life, you want some good food.



5. Ackee & Sal'fish? I need boiled bananas.
Ok so sweets looked at me crazy the first time I asked him if he'd ever had boiled bananas. Which further lets me know we need to hasten our JA trip. First of all they are green bananas and they don't have a banana flavor. Works very much like rice.



6. Rainy days I crave soup, Stew peas 'n rice, or porridge.



7. After eating almonds I crave peppermints.



8. On Sunday I don't want to see rice unless there are some peas involved.



9. Movie trailers = popcorn



10. Chipotle=beer.

What's your number?

Temp Boss: I'm not sure if you'd know this...hmm... you might...wait, how old are you?
Dani: I'm 26
TB: Hmm you might.....(continues with her question about a tv show)
Dani: (All after the question and after we've moved on to another task) Oh!
TB: (looks up) "Everything ok?"
Dani: yea....I'm just...actually I'm 27
TB:(smiles) you forgot your age?
Dani: (sheepishly) actually I did....I don't think I've actually discussed my age since my birthday.
TB: Ah...(laughs) glad we cleared that up.
Dani: Indeed


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I got hit on yesterday. Not the "I'm staring through your clothes/get a restraining order" sort of way. More like the....

Guy: Hi my name is W may I ask what your name is?
Dani: Dani
Guy: Are you seeing someone?
Dani: Yes
Guy: So it would be out of the question for us to do lunch? Or for me to give you a call sometime?
Dani: Indeed, out of the question, but thanks for asking.
Guy: Thanks for stopping to talk to me.


OMG...That used to happen all the time....now not so much. Actually I cant remember the last time someone legitimately asked me for my number (If in the request you lick your lips, grab yourself, use the term "shawty"/"ma"/"sweet thang", and / or look me up and down I don't actually count that as being hit on....I just assume I'm being punk'd). Hm....I think Sweets is the last person that asked me for my number....hmm and then didn't call me--Different story for a different post--Am I in a never-to-be-hit-on-again threshold? Ugh!

I just want this to be over

Like clockwork I have posts that make mention of the ex and more importantly whatever range of emotions I may have that are geared to or a result of the ex(esp when there's a friday the 13th). For those of you that are tired of reading/hearing about it....this isn't the post for you, and I understand. I for one would like nothing better to move on, but things aren't that easy.

Disclaimer: I actually maintain another blog that works more so as a modern-day diary and less as a look into the life of Dani. However, I don't want to be the type of blogger that only paints cherubs and rainbows. The purpose of this blog was to give you insight into how I see things and not how I'd like you to think that I see things.

So again...this is your time to bail.....if you're not interested in my mini-rant check out tomorrow's post.

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I wish....

1. That my ex never crossed my mind. See the thing is we didn't start out as friends, so when we broke up there wasn't an underlying friendship that we tried to salvage. We literally had nothing left. So I haven't spoken to him since we broke up. Ten years of talking several times a day (good times) and several times a week (not so good times) coming to a complete halt overnight leaves a lot of....uneasiness, discomfort, aggravation, unfinished business, _____________


2. I wish that I could delete, dim, overwrite some of the memories. It just makes me angry to have memories for no reason. Just like it makes me angry to feel like I have nothing to show for 10 years of my life. Not even a "we didn't work out but we're friends." No...nothing. It's like leaving a job and not having a letter of reference and/or not being able to use it on your resume. What in the hell was the point of all of your time????


3. I wish that I hadn't tied so much of myself, interests, goals, plans, ideas, friendships, happiness etc. into that relationship. I thought that was part of giving 100%. Actually, it's insanity. I'm realizing now piece by piece that there were so many things that I never really enjoyed, but took it as part-in-parcel with the relationship. Yes, I'm a Lifetime movie. I don't have campy lyrics on tap to a female empowerment song. Just the unvarnished truth. I'm so tired of sorting through the residual B.S.

The funny thing....I'm the happiest I've ever been....I don't know how that's possible, but I'm working hard at this relationship. I'm working hard at not letting the residual sh*t spill over and create problems. Some days its really easy to recognize that everything happens for a reason and in due time. Some days I want to kick optimism in the a&& and rage.

Today is a bit of the latter.

Pensive

I joined a Bible study group...why? Because I need some help in my current space. Not to mention that overall apprehension that I had over Biblical Fmaily Fued a few weeks back @ church let me know that I needed some time in and through the Good Book.

We are studying within a program designed by Beth Moore (I would link her but this pesky firewall is in my way). She is unapologetically a southern woman, with southern mannerisms and so she ranks high on my list of favs off top.

She started the program off with a story last night and I thought it was worth sharing. One of her staffmembers had died before the segment was shot and she was still grappling with her death. Apparently the woman who died was struck by an oncoming car and was killed instantly. Days later when another staffmember called Beth she had a peculiar question. She asked Beth if she wanted to know what they found at the accident scene. Beth paused and ready for the worst said "yes." The staffmember said, "the impact of the accident left the car in pretty bad shape, so much so, that this woman's scripture cards were left littered over the entire highway. The police officials had to walk around and gather all of the cards for evidence. Beth paused and said "that is exactly how I want to go out......having dropped scripture and bits of faith everywhere."

Interesting...indeed.

I'm rather excited to see how this all plays out.

Balance

I work between 12-16 hours a day. The 8-12 hours that I'm not working seem to be the hours that Sweets is scheduled to work or in the studio. "Like two ships passing in the night." Actually, it's not that dramatic. Thankfully, we usually at least see each other at work (yes we work together). But there is something to be said about quality time vs. grabbing a 1/2 hour here and there.

At times its incredibly difficult, but I think it's getting better with communication AND a scheduled date night.

Now I usually balk at the use of the word "schedule" and couple time. Even now I'm getting flashbacks of the countless talk shows that bring the couples in and they basically hate each other by the time they hit the stage. The psychologist and/or sex therapist 9 times out of 10 ends up suggesting scheduling things....namely sex.**

GTFOH!

Sorry....nothing seems less sexy to me than an ical pop-up that says 8pm grab your ankles...I'll pass.

Back to date night

There is something exciting about having dinner and a movie planned, while we still go out as often as possible outside of date night....there is one date night rule...."no cell phones." If you've met either one of us, you'll understand how that can be a challenge.

I'm rather excited that we have a date night coming up and can knock out a movie or 2. I suppose you can find time anywhere for each other, if you are willing to work at it. I have a feeling that we'll both be fielding super-busy opposing schedules for awhile. So thankfully we've found a system that seems to be working. :-)

**Disclaimer: That was a rant point, not an admission or hint of any intimacy issues. Like to make that clear...Sweets does read the blog :-)

Ramblings....Things I don't get

1. I don't get people that don't fly. Yes I have an abnormal love of flying and if you have apprehension I'm cool with that. However, people who just refuse to fly....ummm don't get it.

2. I don't get people who don't get my sense of humor. No explanation necessary...I'm hilarious deal with it.

3. I don't get people who are extremely to "the right"/conservative.

4. I don't get sports fanatics. I hate when I miss my favorite shows, however that's why there are reruns. For sports fans there's sportscenter. At the end of the day I'm not reworking my life for a sporting event or a tv show...some things are just more important.

5. I don't get how you can not like a food that you've never tasted. One exception: If the smell makes you gag...you get a free pass.

6. I don't get casual dating...If you're not building something then why waste time?

7. I don't get people who don't text

8. I don't get having a limited movie/music base. At least be conversational about the major players in the major genres.

9. Likewise, I don't get people who have no concept of current events and/or celeb news. The journalist in me decompresses over E! news garbage, but I understand most people do either or....Fine... let's talk Kardashian, Naleigh, Pooch Hall or let's chat about Tim Geithner...If you've got nothing in either category, I don't get you.

10. I do not understand the hoopla surrounding Robert Patterson (Potter/Twilight). I've squinted, used one eye, just listened to his voice....umm he's not cute...why are girls fawning? More importantly, why does the entire cast of Twilight look like they are various creatures by night....when they aren't on set?

TIS ALL

Torn

Ever since I picked up job 3 I haven't been able to shake the "hamster-in-the-wheel" feeling. Even on my best day when I get home at 6pm and sit on the couch until I get up and go to bed, I still don't feel....relaxed.

Unfortunately, job 1 still hasn't gotten on target so job 3 was definitely "on time" and still "VERY NECESSARY." The downside is that now I crave solitude every few days and I act out (yes I'm a 2 yr old) when something interferes with it. The only time that I can count on my house being empty is Sunday afternoon. As a tradition my family congregates at my grandparents house for dinner...every Sunday. Always a smashing good time and always really good (really free) food.

I haven't been since the last week in September.

I just....can't.....I can't give up the opportunity to exist in solitude for a few hours. It feels like the only time in the week that I'm not juggling a job, thinking about something, checking email, etc. For a few hours everything comes to a screeching halt and I love it. I ran errands today sans the radio. Got home and got ready for the upcoming work week....all....ALONE....and I loved it.

What's the problem? Grams called me last week: "We miss you...."

Le Sigh.....

Suggestions?

Since it doesn't look like we'll (Sweets & I) be making it to Times Square this year I need suggestions for New Years Eve post haste(spending it @ home is not an option).....Anyone?

Brilliance

Yesterday, I made a pot of stew/chilli (easiest way to describe it) since Ash and Steve were in town and I figured we'd have a busy day viewing reception venues. It was a smashing success.

However....I kept walking away and getting sidetracked "thusly" neglecting to stir the point enough in the beginning stages and lets just say the bottom of the pot needs a prayer.

Of course....this is the only time in recent memory that I haven't had a SOS pad on hand. No matter....I knew how to get creative. So I boiled vinegar & detergent in the pot to loosen up the bottom......only.....I stopped paying attention at some point.

SIGH!!!!!!!!

The vinegar and soap boiled up and made a bigger mess over the stove.

All I could do is just laugh....and grab a mop/towel.


P.S. I do believe we have a date and venue....more to come!

Shopping Cart

I get paid from 2 out of my 3 gigs every other Friday. ( That third gig is really something else in terms of a pay "schedule".....I digress).

So every other Friday I fill up my internet shopping carts with tons of foolishness.

By Saturday I imagine my fabulous-ness once laden with those lovely wares.

By Sunday I've figured out what bills I need to pay.

By Monday I pay them.

By Tuesday I'm broke.

By Wednesday I realize how silly I was to want all of that foolishness.

By Friday I'm actively waiting for the next Friday so that I can do it all over again.

It's window shopping for the lazy soul...................


Speaking of lazy....thx Mr. Collins for pointing this one out to me....

Bills, Bobs, Brain Dead

My job is peppered with:

William = William
William = Will
William = Bill
William=(pronounced Vilhem)
Bill = Bill
Robert = Robert
Roberto=Robert
Robert = Rob
Robert = Bob
Robert=Bobby
Bob = Bob
Bob=Bobby

Of the names listed above MOST of them have coordinating last names.

ie: Robert Robinson*, Bill Billson* etc.

Really? Alliterations? Seriously?

I am struggling! Since I was brought in under temp auspices no one really did formal introductions after day 1. Now that I've been here for awhile I learn a name, or the shortened, of lengthened version and just pray that I can remember it in the hallway.

Oh and this is the type of company where everyone says 'good morning_________', 'good afternoon________', 'how are you__________?'

Jesus be ginkgo biloba!

*Really high security clearance = made up names....you get what I'm saying though.

The Entire Time?

Monday night Sweets hit me with a statement that I knew was coming, but I had been dreading. He said, "I'm over the wedding talk."

Oh hell! Le Sigh! Egads!

Back story: I firmly believe that it is a red flag when a man shirks away from wedding/marriage talk. I can understand the disdain for the minutia, but if he never wants to talk about it with you, you might want to ask some questions.

Back story pt 2: Sweets isn't in that category. I told him from Day 1 that I like weddings and we've agreed that we're heading toward marriage. I classify those 2 things differently. I've always told him that when the wedding convos get to be too much to just let me know.

So I paused and asked him to clarify. (I mean I need to know how serious the statement was on a scale of 1 to 10).

He thought about it and said, "Do you realize that someone else's wedding has been in the backdrop of our entire relationship?"

Me: "umm.....no...I don't think..ummm...hmm...really?"

Oh hell. He's right.

The first time we went out was the night Jase proposed to Patti. Roger got married a few months later. There was a wedding in Indiana I missed, but swooned over the engagement video. Two weddings in Chicago that I missed. A wedding I was uninvited to, but got the pictures emailed to me (*FACE*). A H.S. pal had a wedding at some point in the mix. Then there was the purple lace catastrophe that prompted a twitter marathon. Ash (my sis) and Steve's planning started right after the Smithville wedding. My friday nights are peppered with "Say Yes To The Dress" and "Wedded to Perfection." The rest of my days are peppered with the phone calls from mom about venues for Ash. Of course, I pass those calls on to him. She (mom) stresses me out. Then there's the normal amount of FB wedding/engagement/reception stalking that occurs.

Sweets was ringing the bell: "¡Ya basta!" (Dave Chapelle's Block Party)

His next statement made me giggle a bit: "By the time we get married, I won't want to do any of the things we've talked about."

Fiiinnneee....So I'm putting the wedding convos on ice. My shows aren't going anywhere, but everything else is going to be on a bit of a pause. I'm sure I'll maintain the usual wedding banter with madam smith and the soon to be madam shea (ash). I'll just keep Sweets on a weekly update schedule and put the rest of my commentary here.

Mortified Is......

I live by my I heart radio bberry app. However, for some reason the app, my headphone jack, fate seem to have an interesting relationship. So sometimes despite having the headphones connected, the music ends up blaring through the speakerphone speaker......

You KNOW the bberry speaker is something serious. So today....I'm back from running an errand, ready to get down to business I turn on the app, put my headphones in my ear, grab some papers and get ready to do business.

Only the music isn't playing in the headphones.....No.....its a throwback set. Juvenile is BLARING through the speaker. In the silent office, filled with people working on projects etc. OMG OMG OMG OMG. I'm scrambling...I hit the button to lower the volume and the phone lags...I hit the standby button...nothing....SH*T now it's frozen...I throw it under some folders to try to lessen the clarity with which Juve is prompting women to back that thang up....OMGOMGOMGOMG.....I....I....I then just rip the back of the battery door off the phone and take the battery out.

(Panting)....now I'm looking around....listening for any snickering....silence....OMG they probably think that's my ringtone....(sigh)...way to be a statistic.

Ima back my a** on out to lunch.

I'm done.

Ramblings....

1. I hope that by the time I'm actually ready to have kids it won't be too late (clockwise). I don't actually foresee that(wanting a family) happening for years (hard s).

2. Please explain to me how the dress code at work doesn't include jeans, but all of the women wear white and black jeans like they are slacks. Ummm...just because they aren't blue and the threading is softer than some levi's doesn't make them less jean like. Jeans...are a style not a color.

3. Sweets has an amazing voice and I love to hear him sing. I just don't want him to sing to me, face-to-face...the thought alone makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Like...where am I supposed to look? Moments like that freak me out a bit...remember when Eric Benet walked off stage to sing to Halle Berry? I changed the channel I was so uncomfortable watching that for some reason.

4. I don't understand The Dream's career. He's god-awful in concert. I mean like not-never has there been a performance that he has even graced a C- rating. He's good behind the scenes, yet he is constantly in the forefront. He's supposed to be the modern day Kells, but Kells can actually do a live performance. How can you compare the two?

5. The key to this daily blogging this is that I have to blog as soon as I think about it. Otherwise the inspiration is lost.

6. I've been contemplating the Spirit $9 club. The only catch is I'm not the biggest fan of flying spirit. I want to spend more time traveling next year. I think that's a good first step.

7. Do men hate shapewear? Like if you stumble on it is it a deterrant? How about padded bras? Socks over undone toes? Tights over stubble?

8. Why are vanity and insecurity kissing cousins?

9. If I don't care for your significant other can we still be friends?

10.Full laundry baskets, sinks, garbage cans, and mail boxes bother me. Full inboxes, dishwashers, drain boards, , drawers yield no reaction. Odd?

Blindsided

I have been completely blindsided by a mood. Hmm the devil never sleeps, but apparently I might need to asap.

Time to turn up the music, turn up the steam, get out of work and get home.

Blogger Bully: Halloween Weekend Recap

My dear Jameil pointed out that my Sunday post was paltry at best. As a consummate slacker I make no apologies for fluff and no substance. Substance be damned, the world is populated with the lovechildren of mediocrity and pomp. There are some overachievers sprinkled in to populas as well to A)get things done and B) burn-out and allow the slackers to shine.

With that being said, lets try the weekend recap once more.

So I've never been big on Halloween. It's not a big JA holiday and my parents were/are appalled by the mutilation of pumpkins for any other reason besides eating them (didn't show mom the pics from the pumpkin party @ Patti's). As I type this there is a quarter of a pumpkin in my mother and grandmother's fridge for soup, boiling, roasting etc. (oh yea....we don't make pies). Anywho so this is my second Halloween with Sweets. The first one was completely uneventful so we made plans to head downtown and be amidst the hoards of drunken people, trashy women, and tomfoolery.

I don't go out much....(read: ever)...so anytime there are grounds for an outting I empty my entire closet into several overnight bags (I need options) and then I try to piece together whatever is appropriate 'going out' attire (read: I have no clue what the young folks are wearing these days---LOL one of my fave phrases).

While Sweets was at work mom and I crashed a wedding reception for research purposes and it was LOVELY! The coordinator at the hotel mentioned that Halloween was a hard sell (wonder why) and so he gave them a discount etc. for picking pumkin day for their nuptials. I was expecting campy and ghoulish fair. Instead it was a wonderfully sophisticated affair with the women in tea length black dresses and the men in tuxes. The room was flooded in plum tones and it was the absolute embodiment of a grown party. Loved it! There wasn't a pumpkin in sight. Nothing about the room, the cocktail setup, the centerpieces etc said Halloween.

Fab!

As mom and I traipsed around the hotel/resort checking out the place from a "night perspective" the sound of the ocean hitting the shore was the perfect backdrop to the evening. Hmmm.....Ash will be here next weekend to check the venue out for herself.

I headed back home to gather my closet and head over to Sweets. Now Sweets had mentioned briefly, via twitter, that he was outdone with all things 2 legged, upright, and breathing. He and mankind were done. I wasn't sure how that would translate into the night, but I figured hey...lets give this Halloween festival a shot.

Hmm...once Sweets got home, I could tell that the Halloween festival wasn't going to happen (so wasn't unhappy with that one). We pre-gamed, gamed, and post-gamed on our varying drinks of choice, ordered in, played with the puppy and watched movies. At some point we passed out only to wake up, go to breakfast and then pass back out.(Sweets went to work--poor thing).

In short, the weekend was GLORIOUS! This is the kind of Halloween I can believe in....bring on pumkin day 2010! Oh and apparently one of my bosses, several co-workers, and my brother were all at the Halloween festival...and I missed them all. FTW!

At Work ....To Work...With No Work

There are some times that I come to work to actually do work. As I'm currently blogging, you can take this present moment out of the equation. However, every few days I have my headphones poised to block out the foolishness and I like to get to business done.

This week my minder/the lady that I'm assisting is out town. She's left me a laundry list of tasks to complete in her absence. I get to work with breakfast in hand, new playlists to listen to, the giddiness that comes with the knowledge that you won't be micromanaged, and an overall zeal to get this Monday on the road.

There are 5 filing cabinets in my section. All of which require nothing short of a retinal scan to have opened. Four keys were left for me......I stored all of my assignment materials in the 5th filing cabinet.

So I sit here...with the "just ate breakfast" glow. Hands poised to do some spreadsheet magic. I have my Monday heels on (to explain: Monday I wear big girl shoes, by Friday my energy is low and I'm usually wearing something right above a house slipper--not really, but you get where I'm coming from) and I'm ready to do work. Only.....there's no work to be done.

Hmmm...this could get rather interesting rather quickly. Now I'm trying to figure out if I have 20 hours (that's how many hrs I'm here each week) of work to tackle in the remaining 4 filing cabinets...prob not....BUT--I don't like to play with my income(once I've planned for a check, I'm serious about it).

So today's tasks: blogging and making travel plans. Tomorrow....I'll alphabetize something....anything....after that things may get sketchy...suggestions?

Kick-off

Today kicks off national blogging month so the goal is to blog every day this month(weekends included).....Lets Go!!!!

I don't have any Halloween pics...we ended up staying in and having a FANTASTIC time....with all of the party elements....

-never ending drinks
-too much food
-guffaws and giggles
-good music

All in all....it's been a great, albeit "quiet" weekend. :-)