I was wrong

Yesterday my significant other flew from LA to Chicago, had an unexpectedly extended layover, then flew from Chicago to DC. Drove home from Reagan airport (after 9pm), switched bags, walked to the train station (missed the train), had someone drop him back off downtown in time to catch the midnight bus to NY and walked in my apt at 6am this morning.

Now a week ago, when he told me his master plan, I told him that he was crazy and that I’d just see him the following weekend. When the snow hit New York two nights ago, I again told him that I’d see him the following weekend. However, the fact that he was willing/able to pull off that crazy schedule makes me completely willing to admit (just this once) that I was wrong and that a schedule like that is doable. More importantly, I have once again been reminded that he’s better than anything I could have ever asked for.

P.S. If he keeps this up I’ll have to step my sweeping gestures game waaaay up.

Strength

I watched my grandmother do the remembrance at my aunt's funeral yesterday.

She said, "I was there when she came into this world, I sat by her for 20 years as her body failed her, and I was there when she took her last breath. That was my closure."

I can only hope to be that strong one day.

Post Pause

I apologize about the lapse in posts. The story that I'm telling is one that's incredibly dear to me and a work-in-progress. My goal was to push it out sooner, but life has managed to get in the way a bit.

When I stress I either write more or go through a drought. The latter seems to have happened and the story isn't developing as quickly as I had hoped.

In full disclosure, between trying to figure out the next few months of my life and a death in the family my writing has taken a back seat to my thoughts.

I'm heading home in a few days and should be back in action next week.

Love you all and thank you for reading...I'll get back to things soon enough.

Dani

The Middle

He sat there head in hand. Trying, as he often did, to make stories about her into memories. Because if someone tells you enough stories they start to feel real. They start to feel like you experienced those things.

So he tried.

They happily were together at every important moment in his life. She was his biggest fan and his biggest supporter. Cheering at every graduation, front and center at school plays and football games.

He was the source of her pride. She was the purpose of his life.

He tried as hard as he could to erase the images of the person in front of him and inject the ideal....the dream.

He knew of the stories of the perfect couple. A perfect time in their perfect lives.

He could only imagine how shaken she must have been when she found out that her life would never be the same.

Did she hate the fact that giving birth to him, meant that she might lose her own life?

Wait...those weren't the things he was supposed to be thinking.

Head in hand he needed to place her in his best memories.

He needed to feel that connection. He needed it before it was too late.

The Beginning

In her late twenties she finally had the life that she had dreamed about. Financial and occupational security, a sporty car, an insane wardrobe, AND she was engaged to an equally attractive banker. Being in the same industry, they never missed an event and travelled incessantly. He had a young son, from a previous marriage, who lived with his mother in Germany, so even the thought of co-parenting wasn’t too stressful. The young couple planned their lives together and couldn’t be happier.

As they ironed out the details of a wedding ceremony that would bring together his Virgin Island family with her Jamaican family, it was poised to be an amazing event. If nothing else, it would give them the privacy and independence they sought. For most Caribbean families, it was completely expected that everyone lived in one home until they were able to purchase their own home. So many single adults still lived with their parents and even newly married couples would live in the same home as their in-laws until they were financially sound enough to move out.

Their marriage would give them freedom to live their lives exactly as they saw fit.

The thoughts of freedom, though, soon could not overshadow something that was seemingly awry.

Being from Jamaica and moving to south Florida the hot temperature was a constant, but for some reason it started to get less comfortable. As most twenty-somethings would do, she blew it off and adjusted her workout schedule to avoid being outside when the sun was at it’s hottest. That worked for awhile, then one day she went for a bike ride and found herself unable to pedal back. Unsure of what was happening she sat down and waited. About an hour later her brother, filled with worry, came looking for her along the bike path and carried her home.

What had been gentle prodding before became a direct order: “Go to the Dr.”

It ended up being her best and worst day.

Devilish Details: Love or Location

Jan 1, 2011 was a lot of things for a lot of people. For me, it was when my stopwatch started a six month countdown.

I'm contractually bound to my new home for exactly six more months. Which means I've got six months to figure out if I want to stay or if I want to relocate to DC. I love New York, but I hate that I'm in a long distance relationship. Quite frankly, something's gotta give.

I've got an immeasurable amount of stress surrounding the next six months of my life.

Hang on to your hats ladies and gents. Things should be interesting for awhile.

Staying up seemed like a good idea last night. However, I'm at a level of tiredness right now that is befitting of a Saturday morning and not a Wednesday morning.

In retrospect there was nothing in the conversation worthy of the suitcases under my eyes.

Yet, I couldn't seem to just get off the phone.





Speaking of phone, I just glanced at mine and the screen looked like this.....





(sigh)......I guess I need to add chat with an At&T rep to my to-do list.

Speaking of lists.

Mine is looking rather scary. I long for the days when buying groceries was the most important thing that I needed to do. Figuring out the next step in my career and going to the gym are far less enjoyable list items.

Speaking of enjoyable. I got LC to watch and enjoy "The Game." He in turn has me addicted to "The West Wing." Despite any of your preconceived notions it's a fair addiction trade.

Speaking of forthcoming addictions I think we're going to try a Netflix subscription. Jesus be a comfy couch!

Speaking of couch....We bought one! Ok...truth be told we picked it, he bought it, and I fell asleep on it.

Speaking of sleep....I need some post haste.

Already?

It's the first Tuesday of 2011 and yet I'm already counting down the days until the weekend. This does not bode well for my New Year.

Here's hoping it's just a busy week and next week my optimism and generally high regard for people and the world will return.

Here's hoping.

Truman Show

LC and I spent 11 days together over the break.

We covered several cities, had an insane amount of fun, tackled some home improvement projects and basically got a snapshot of what life would be like if there weren't 253 miles between us.

I enjoyed every single moment that we spent together. It was amazing.

But...here's the thing...I don't want to do it again. As a matter of fact, I don't want to do anything longer than a four-day stint until we figure out what the next step is for us.

Spending 11 days together and then getting on a bus and heading back to "reality" was jarring. It was my own Truman show moment. Boat at the edge of the soundstage and a door opening, Truman Show moment.

I'm not a: "live in the moment"/"it's better to have loved and lost...than to have never loved at all"/"The whole is more than the sum of its parts" type of girl....at all. I want the sum and the parts. I don't want moments if they'll just be taken away. Don't give me what I can't have.

Tantrum over. Four day rule enacted.

Affair

I cheat on New York with D.C. and vice versa.

When I'm in one place I think of the other.

I love them both and want them both.

Now I've just got to figure out how to make that work.

It's been ages since I've blogged. My apologies world. I wish that I could at least say that I'm rested, but that would be a massive lie. I am instead renewed and that isn't so much of a bad thing.

1. My siblings were a joy to host and I was ecstatic to have them in New york with me.

2. Christmas in Chicago was absolutely wonderful. I love that city!

3. Being away from my family was hard, but LC's family was amazing. Truly.

4. The New Year celebrations were muted. By choice. I think there will be enough action in 2011 to make up for it :)