After the Storm

Optimists point out the rainbow after the storm. Realists point out the dampness and mud. The storm is over, but I can't get to the rainbow because the mud is on my shoes.

Metaphorically speaking.

Thoughts/Words

Here's the breakdown....I'm having a terrible night, which in truth seems to be a terrible addition to a terrible run of days. The only words that are at the forefront of my mind require symbols in the place of key letters. I'm tired. Not nap tired, but truly up against a wall, Toni Braxton crying sequence (Un-break my heart shower scene), not move for days (but only after I've purchased bottles of wine) type tired.

I'm really rather agitated, but I can't fully say how the f*ck I feel, because 9 times out of 10 everything will be fine in a few days and my harsh words will be the thing that lingers.

Really...there are some things that you can't say and apologize later. Instead I'll allow those comments to bounce around in my head all night, until I no longer have the desire or ability to pair what little emotion/mental space I have left with those comments/feelings.

I'm Back

Oooo today has been a rough day. Great weekend....I do mean GREAT! However, getting caught up hasn't been easy. I'll have an actual complete thought (and pics) tomorrow.

Running To Slow Down

This has been one of those weeks that I've spent rushing to slow down. The whole focus of the week has really been getting as much done as possible in anticipation of getting a few days off. Seems harmless right? LOL....no it is an absolute formula for disaster and will all but guarantee that I'm exhausted in 5, 4, 3, 2.....NOW!


Regardless, I will be kicking the afternoon into overdrive in order to ensure that I have goodness to share with you come Tuesday. (I'm out of the office Monday).

Until then, have a great weekend....oh yea....

IT'S HOMECOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HHHHHHH-UUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UUUUUU KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(celebrating in spirit since I will not be in DC this weekend, but instead will be in ATL :) )

P.S. Shouts to my '04 classmates and a 'PHI QUE' to the Frat :)

Money

My mom's feelings about money are directly tied into how much is in her account. So it's no surprise that I'm finding out that I'm the same way. While chatting with my mom about the weekend excursion to ATL, she was balancing her checkbook and said, "have you thought about saving your money and not going?" Without hesitation I said "no."

Her timeframe/mentality is tied into the old school: "save, save, save" and my mentality is more so: "Has the check cleared? It has? Lets go to happy hour." The both of us are horrible grouches when we are broke and can't afford to go out. The difference is I try to live it up as much as possible until I get to that point and she's so careful with her funds that she focuses on the bills and rarely squeezes in a good time.

Last week, I tried to take her out to brunch and she completely shot me down. Why? Because she's in wedding planning mode and is saving her money for my sis' wedding. Ummm.....what does that have to do with me treating her to brunch? In her mind everything. When she is watching her money, watching others spend theirs drives her crazy. My initial reaction is "glad I don't have that problem", but that isn't always true.

Have you ever been on a group trip to the mall and your account is dusty(undergrad yrs!)? It's one of the most painful things to do and the quickest way to put you in a funk. So I understand her feelings.....to a point.

There are huge issues with my way of doing things and I'm sure when I get ready to buy a house, I will wish that I had had some more of my mother's frugality and discipline. Conversely, I think she also wishes that she could allow herself to spoil herself a bit more.

I'll have to work on her.

Olfactory Offenses

Apparently today is "Food Court Day" in the office the things that my ultra-sensitive nose and rumbling belly detect are:


1. Taco Bell--Yes, terrible for you, but yummy going down (the problems tend to arise when that meal revisits you).

2. Lasagna from Maggiano's--Never tasted it, but if heaven was a smell, I assume it would be that one.

3. Bacon--Ok that's my own fault...had it for bfast...the lingering smell is in my waste bin (hate when that happens).

4. Toasted Quizno's subs--they don't even post their ingredients/nutritional info...ANYWHERE....I classify this as instant, delicious death.

5. Chipotle--Co-workers you are killing me! Step away from that chicken bowl, I dare you! It will be missing.

6. Fries--I don't know from where, but I smell them and they are calling me...

(sigh) off to Self-Depricate over my meal shake.

Ramblings

1. I was out of the office last week because the lady that I work with went on vacation. Now at job 34,987 I work on an hourly basis, which means no work/no pay. When I returned this morning everyone said, "How was your week off...did you enjoy it?" Ummm...maybe it's just me, but an unpaid week off does not constitute a vacation. Vacation is when #1 I'm not in the office and #2 My absence does not affect my pay.

2. The lady that I work with called in sick today.....why not email me so that I could work from home? If you email/text/call/smoke signal/carrier pigeon me when there is a major crisis, then do so when there is a minor crisis. Don't be selective! I could've been in bed!

3.My wheat breakfast bagel had a hint of onion in the final bites. I suppose that the bagel in the next nearest bagel caddie was onion. If I wanted onion in my bagel I promise I would have ordered it. Stop cross-pollinating my breakfast!

4. I may be the only person even thinking this, but thank you H1.N1! Before you completely write me off as crazy, when I was in high school you had to cross a set of train tracks to get to the school. If the train was running late or was particularly long you would be given a "train pass" to cover your tardiness. H1.N1 is the modern day "train pass." Any mention that you might be under the weather gets you promptly sent home from any location. Anyone can be sick at any given moment, so the general assumption that everyone is a bit sick and sooooo.....last week's project? Delayed....why? Wasn't feeling too hot. Questions asked? Zero. Score!

5. Treasure and Trash. I'm an overthinker and in my downtime my mind goes crazy. I start to question everything/everybody/every decision that I've made and I work myself into a froth.
I'm going to work on a Treasures and Trash board so that I have a visual reminder of the treasures in my life and the trash I've been delivered from.

Happy Monday :)

Where Have You Been?

Sorry blogger, I was out of the office last week and "working from home." The week was filled with tons of QT with Sweets!!! I actually paused blogging about life, just long enough to enjoy it a smidge :)

Forgive me...please??!!???

I'm baaack :)

Anti-Social Tendencies Die Hard

Some days I don't feel like playing.
Some days I don't "do" my own family.
Most days I don't "do" other families.
Brew laughs at my instant-perk attitude at family functions,
9 times out of 10 I'd rather be somewhere else....
but they'd never know it.
In this relationship I've made incredible strides by not making an instant beeline to a back bedroom and staying out of the way during family functions....
I'm trying....but sometimes the habits die hard.

Today I tried to do some Mother-Daughter bonding...only for my mother to tell me she didn't feel like going out (she then proceeded to vacuum her room). Maybe the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and she didn't "feel like playing." Either way I realized I couldn't deal with whatever was sparking her mood. I took refuge at Sweet's house. He was going to work and I would have the space to myself....score!

Here is where the fun begins....Sweets and his dad live together, much like my mom and I do. If you saw what rent in this city looked like, you'd completely understand. His dad is selectively attentive, so most times I go completely undetected....fine by me.

As I'm watching the "Say Y.es To T.he D.ress" I start to hear voices coming into the house. Hmmm....the front doorbell rings a couple of times, but hey it's not my house so I continue on with my marathon and office work. Then I realize that there are more than a few voices and now I smell food.

WTH???....soooo at this point the mini-party has been going on for at least 2 hours. I've been in an i.tunes/TLC oblivion, so the window of time that it would have been appropriate to emerge and greet people has passed. At this point, no one realizes I'm here.....therefore making a sudden appearance is grounds to get shot/talked badly about(not sure which is worse). Sweets' dad is in law enforcement...hence the "shot" statement.

Now my golden plan had been to stay here for a few hours, get some work down in solitude and then head home. Ummm.....Now I'm trapped. If I emerge from the room to escape out of the garage door or the front door it will be "slightly" obvious that I've been here the whole time. Thus making me the rude, lurking g/f that left the house without speaking. If I just emerge and converse it would be completely awkward because again the questions would be "where did you come from?" and "why are you here?" and then I'd have to feign politeness until Sweets gets back from work. I so wish my window escape skills were up to par.

Ugh I'm trapped!!!!!....and I so need to use the Little Girl's room....

Masochism

I'm back on face.book and old habits die hard. I spent last night getting caught up on high-school buddies solely through their pics. While it didn't send me spiraling, it did send me job-hunting. Lets be slightly more specific. It sent me job hunting....in D.C.

Sweets and I have explicitly discussed moving to ATL....DC is also a possibility, but for the initial move, we agreed on ATL.

Why did I broaden the search? Two reasons: First, there are an abundance of open jobs in my field.....Hopefully a bigger net will get a better response. Second reason? Because I realized how much I missed my former city. Ugh FB how I love and hate thee!

There are a lot more "I's" than "we's" in this post(hate when that happens). Sweets is supportive, we just aren't sure how this will all play out.

Perspective

Talking to my younger brother yesterday (an activity I avoid for my own sanity) ended up being a lecture more than a conversation. He went into his diatribe about what he wanted to "do to his car" and I went into my diatribe about how he needed to change his thinking. Now my disclaimer is that I have absolutely no issues with "suped up cars." If you want to 757 wings on the side of your geo metro and then finish it off with some shiny 6" shoes then so be it. Just make sure that you have everything else in your life in order. I will never understand parking your 7 series BMW outside of an efficiency apartment.

Also, my other issue is that you should stay in your lane. Do not spend money on an M45, paint it Barney purple, put giant rims on it and then have the names of your children written on the back window. Why not just buy a chevy and do that mess?

My brother has an accord...sedan (4cylinder)....*face*...if your car allows for the easy insertion of a car seat, let your dreams of having a racing wagon go...please...


So I asked him what exactly he wanted to do to his car, the cost of it, the time for the labor, who would do it, what would that do to the overall value of the car etc. To each question he had very prompt and calculated answers.


Then I asked him what his plans were in May once he finished his AA. I asked if he was going to continue at the CC or if he was transferring. If he was transferring where did he want to go? What would be the difference in tuition rates? What would his major be? Where would he live?


His response? (Crickets)


I stepped back and explained to him that while I was not trying to crush his plan it was obvious to me that his thinking was the motivating factor for his actions. He thought about his car, pined over it, enjoyed the process of ruining his hearing permanently by listening to an artist that won't have another hit, ever, at an octave that was ridiculous. I told him that where he focused his mental attention inevitably determined what manifested in his life. Don't think about continuing school and plan for it, then you won't get there. Point Blank.

We can apply that to our daily lives as well. Are you wasting time thinking about things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things...instead of focusing that attention on something that will ultimately benefit you? I am....time to change that thinking and change the subsequent actions.

Update: Justine It Is....

Remember this??

Well shortly thereafter, I waited for the same guy to pass me and when he said "Hi Justine" I ignored him. A few moments later I shot him an email saying,
--------------
Dear ***,

"I'm so sorry that I neglected to respond to you, I'm just scrambling to get some work done."

Have a great day!

Dani
------------

Pretty Clever right? I ran into him the next day and he said, Good Morning Justine....


Damn!

Fortuitous

I'll let you in on a little secret...90% of my posts this week were completed last week. Yea, yea, yea ....I know its a wee bit sneaky of me, but I figured "hey, you'll be too tired to blog."

Fortunately/unfortunately that isn't actually the case. Anywho, so I've been logging in every day just like you have to see what the topic of the day is (I hope you weren't foolish enough to think that I remembered what I set up to post) and today's topic is actually scarily on point with what is currently on my mind.

I am disgustingly and disarmingly "in love." I gagged just a little just then. It's so painfully unlike me that I would go into hiding, except no one "in hiding" ever looks good, (Can you name someone?) so I'm wearing my emotions(and narcissism) on my sleeve....and it's a bright, sparkly, heavy sleeve I might add.


I'm having one of those days..you know the ones....where you listen to "So High" and Chrissette Michelle's "Golden" and sit at work with the kool-aid grin.

Ugh!

To answer my own question from the previous post.

In the past, I thought that I had everything that I could ever want. Then I found out that I actually didn't have much at all. So the wonderful, aggravatingly charming man that I'm so smitten with right now embodies what I didn't even think to ask for. How about that for nausea?

LOL....

Day Dreams

Daydreamin an I'm thinkin of you
I'm thinkin of you baby.....

When you imagined the man (or woman) that you were going to spend your life with....is that person like the person that you're with right now?

MOH Overview....In Pics

Yes, Yes, Yes.....The wedding was beautiful and if you have FB and have seen the pics then you'll know what I'm talking about. However, as I mentioned in my last post about MOH-ing, the wedding wasn't my concern....it was dropping the ball.

Well....I can honestly say that I had such a good time with all of my good friends that 'dropping the ball' left my mind as quickly as it entered. There will be a "meatier" post about MOH-ing, but for now lets get to the fun stuff....the pics!

Thursday
Bachelorette/Bachelor Party

Get this woman a sash....she's getting married!

We started the party at RA Sushi....b/c who doesn't start with good food and good ppl??? Then we met up with the rest of the Bachelor party to 'pre-game'

Once the boys left...we played some games/drank some wine etc.
(no clue which team won).....

(l to r): BM Naima, BM Dee, Ana, Me, My Sis/Impromptu Bridal Attendant, BM Dr. Hunt, BM Melissa

and then we hit downtown for.....

yesssss.........

Truly...I love these ladies!





Friday
Rehearsal & Rehearsal Mixer

Couple's Shot @ the mixer
(l to r): Bride-to-be & Groom-to-be, Me & Sweets, Naima & Bakari, Ash & Steve (they're next--no forreal!!!)


All of which led to .......


Saturday
Wedding Time!



There was a little of this......

And This.....

Get It!

And Finally.....A lot of this......

Hello Smiths!

Speaking Of Smiths.....

Me w/ the Best Man/Groom's Brother James

Me w/ My Best Man Sweets :)

Hmm...something about those Smith Men....I'll digress :)

One For The Road.....

My mom....and her 'sons' gotta love it!

Lions, Tigers, Bears...Oh My!

Is it possible to be terrified of being a success, a failure, and succumbing to mediocrity all at the exact same time?

I suppose it is possible since that's exactly how I'm feeling these days.

Office Thoughts

When I'm in an office I become a different person. It's as though "regular" Dani is replaced with "office" Dani. I think I rather like her.

I think that often times we develop work personas that are different from our daily lives. For instance, my workstation is immaculate and I feel strongly that it should remain that way. However, in my room, there is not one square inch that is not littered with clothing and crap. I should take a picture, but I refuse to embarrass myself that way.

I'm witty, engaging, and charming at work. At home, I'm too tired for all of those things. I'm usually pretty quiet.

I used to say that I had a work-boyfriend....but then he became my actual boyfriend....so...I don't make that reference anymore (lol).

I feel like my social psych genius podmate....wait no...maybe it's industrial psych genius podmate....either way, i feel like she has a reason why I'm conditioned to turn on the charm and cleanliness any and everytime I'm in a work setting.....

Meltdown

I don't care for summertime. I don't appreciate the heat and overall brightness. My favorite times during the day are 5am-7pm and 7pm- I fall asleep. The heat and brightness just exacerbates whatever may already be bothering me. Yes, I'm a vampire. Heaven is a cloudy day, violent storm, dusk, darkness....you get the point.

So basically, what I'm saying is I'm already agitated.

Today marks yet another day in which my disdain for the heat has gotten the better of me.


Jesus be a job and a relocation check...I need to get out!

Dear Sir....

I am not sitting at this desk trying to choke down a vegetable soup cup, because I like vegetables. I am trying to get on track to being a healthier me. Now, until we can figure out a way to make healthy food as yummy and inexpensive as unhealthy food, there are a few things I'd like to ask of you.





#1 Do not bring your McDonald's bag full of goodness and wrongness around my work station.

#2 Do not flash me a trans-fat laced smile, at this exact moment I hate you.

#3 Please answer me this......Where is the closest McDonald's? (just wondering...)