Go Away!

Dear Cold,

I'm giving you one more day of my life. As of Wednesday, you're going to have to find someone else to annoy.

Thanks,

Mgmt

P.S. Please send me back my sense of smell...and taste for that matter.

Juggle

9 to 5 is not for me.

Catching up on sleep is fantastic, but I'm struggling to keep myself fulfilled. I like the skittish, always on the move lifestyle. Yes, I'm a bit crazy like that. So, I'm on the hunt for something more work-wise that will keep me much busier.

Mom called it. She said that I'm only happy when I have all irons in the fire and a pot about to boil over on the stove.

No worries, I won't get back on my 3-job grind. Maybe just 2....or 1.5 :) Actually, I'm working on a few additional projects to see if I can flesh out my work duties a bit more. If that doesn't work then 1.5/2 job Dani will be back in full effect.

Now to break the news to LC....(sigh) wish me luck!

Have a great weekend :)

Rare Form

Today I'm in rare form. I'm working with the level of giddiness usually reserved for trips and holidays. LC is coming to town tonight and for some reason I'm just incredibly excited to see him(more than usual).

We've got nothing special on the agenda, except getting through another Potter movie (11/19 is around the corner).

I won't question why I'm this giddy...I guess I'll get worried when the giddiness stops.

Ramblings: Sometimes

1. Sometimes a whole sentence is necessary. Maybe even two. If we are talking about incarceration, health issues, engagement, marriage, divorce (basically anything life changing), then I need you to use an entire sentence. Conversely, if I don't know the backstory or any of the characters in your rant, lean hard on the shoulders of brevity. Please and thank you.

2. Sometimes other people can say exactly what you need to say, much better than you can. Today's quote is from Jameil: "I'm in the midst of a situation requiring tact and I really don't feel like having tact... at all." Thanks Jam!

3. Sometimes the writing is on the wall. Ana is engaged! Now, if we had a "Go Ho or Go Home" weekend for her birthday. The bachelorette party......(sigh).

4. Sometimes it's best to put differences aside. I reached out to an ex that I hadn't spoken to in four years and sent him a picture of Ash at the wedding. He wasn't on the invite list, for obvious reasons, but he's loved her unconditionally for the last 14 years and I knew it would mean the world to him to see her.

5. Sometimes you want what you had and what you have. Spending the weekend on the beach reminded me of everything that I've loved about South Florida. Throwing on heels, my fave scarf, and a sweater to fly back reminded me of everything that I love about New York.

Breathe Again

My sister's wedding was absolutely exceptional. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. She and Steve are heading off to their honeymoon now and I'm back at work trying to remember what life pre-wedding was like.

I'll have more pics up when I get them, but so far this is my favorite shot.....

I'm the happiest sister in the world.

Cabin Fever

I zoned out this weekend.

I didn't sleep much, but I also didn't accomplish anything.

Well....I did finally make it to the gym on Saturday.

But Sunday, I ate horribly and quite frankly contributed nothing to society.

I hate when that happens.

It's like my brain is turning to mush...one day at a time.

I'm so genuinely glad to see Monday.

Let It Go

I struggle with pride. I try really hard to be more, just so that I minimize how many times I have to ask for anything. The news industry is a perfect career for the prideful. You're rarely in the dark about anything. Instead, you become a source of information and people just assume that you know.

I've gotten through my life mostly on assumptions and pride-driven motivation. But I want to be better, more substantive and get out of my own way.

Last weekend, LC found out that his cousins would be in town and made an unplanned trip up to meet them and spend time with me. We usually map out which weekends we'll spend where and so because this was to be a "weekend apart" I had budgeted out my money for bills and groceries. My original plan for the weekend involved walking Central Park, lying in bed watching movies, and basically doing everything/anything free and fun.

When I found out that plans had changed I was stuck. The new plans involved dinner, bar hopping, etc. and for me to pass on everything or even do a drive-by "nice to meet you" was out of the question. I finally broke down and told him: "I can't afford those plans" to which he replied: "I've got you."

Great. Should have been the end of the story.

Here's the thing....I was miserable. The entire time. I couldn't let go. I couldn't enjoy it, be engaging and have a good time. Every bar, every order, every activity was a reminder that I was on someone else's dime and I couldn't deal.

Someone somewhere is reading this and calling me crazy. I'll own that. This isn't your post.

I am my mom's oldest child. Both of my parents are the eldest children in their family. My grandparents on both sides are the oldest children in their family. Having to ask for help is not something that I'm hard-wired to do. The expectation that I was raised with is to be strong enough to help everyone else. Even when I'm forced to ask, I spend my time thinking about how best to repay that assistance. Brew laughed at me one day and said: "People don't know that you will add a job to your life quickly to get what you want." He's right. I'll take on 30 extra projects if it means that I don't have to ask for anything. I study things now in life, so that I don't have to ask for clarification.

But I want to be better, more substantive and get out of my own way.

I sat with my parents individually and talked with them about their relationship. Trying to figure out what went awry. My dad said to me that my mother had changed into someone that he didn't recognize and they no longer had the same interests. When I talked to my mom, she said that she no longer knew my father and they weren't on the same page in what they wanted in life. My response to each parent was: "What did they say when you told them that you wanted to re-align your interests?" Their response: 'I shouldn't have to ask those questions.'

As Ana would say, "There it is."

I've got to be better, more substantive and get out of my own way.

Ramblings

1. In June, I was looking forward to September.
In September, I was looking forward to the end of October.
In October, I'm looking forward to February.
I have a sinking feeling that in February I will be wishing for September past.

2. Kanye and Jay-Z are doing an album together? I canNOT wait for that tour.

3. These days I feel like I fell from the fabulous tree, hit every single branch on my way down, only to miss mediocrity and land on shameful. Shopping.Must.Happen(one day).

4. The wedding is next week. The wedding is next week. The wedding is next week.

5. I finally mentioned to my mom that my Thanksgiving trip home will be for less than 72 hours. I'll definitely have to make that up to her (and my family).

6. My office is buzzing with activity. I've got nothing to do. When I'm swamped, everyone is sitting on top of the desks watching the shows from last night.

7. Six pay periods until Christmas.....oooooo 2010.......(sigh).

8. I've made space in my budget and I'm finally joining a gym this weekend.

9. I met some of LC's family over the weekend. They didn't leave hating me. Mission Accomplished.

10. Watched church online yesterday. Clint Brown asked the congregation: "Raise your hand if you can identify what you're struggling with in your life right now." He surveyed the ceongrgation and said: "The devil messed up when he allowed you to name your struggle." ( I wasn't sure where he was going with this).

Clint's gem: Philippians 2:9 (New International Version)

9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name.

Whatever struggle you can possibly name will always fall short of he who is named above all others. Ha!

Nine to Five

Scene: Its 11pm Saturday night in the middle of SoHo and Dani is standing outside of a bar chatting on the phone.

I am connected. Deeply. BBM, Twitter, SMS, MMS, smoke signal et. al. My fingers tend to heat up as the day progresses and I've had some of my best text/convos somewhere after 11pm. If you were to call my mom's house at midnight it would be significantly livelier than if you called at noon. We tend to be up late and running our mouths(or fingers in my case).

I come from a long line of odd hour people. My mom deals with death (she works for Hospice) and so she leaves when her patients have been admitted and/or their home healthcare has been fully arranged. She has definitely made it home after midnight on many occasions. Being a career nurse, she's always left the late night hours for shopping trips, gift wrapping, cooking, baking etc.

My aunt never answers my emails before 11:30pm....EVER.

Grandma Hazel's house after 10pm....you are liable to "buck up on" a domino game any day of the week.

Back to the Scene: Its 11pm Saturday night in the middle of SoHo and Dani is standing outside of a bar chatting on the phone. LC walks out of the bar with a face that can only be described as perplexed...

For the first time in.....ever....I'm working a standard 9-5 job and dating someone who is doing the same. My last four years, I worked in the news industry and my hours were crazy. My last two relationships were with music industry guys who more often than not were heading out of the house at 11pm. Texting during dinner? Not unusual. Always having a phone handy? Sure.

The line of appropriate/courteous phone convo/text hours has never existed in my world however, it was pretty bold in LC's world.

It's not as though he was accusatory or even really upset it just wasn't a practice that he's familiar with. I'll meet him in the middle and not text/chat during our one-on-one time and he's going to try to get used to my later night conversations with mom(who hadn't made it home yet-LOL).

Eeyore

I was unable to enjoy my monsoon morning due to a trifecta of morning misfortunes.

It's rainy but not cool, which yields that "I'm suffocating-in-my-skin/buried-alive/sweat-beneath-my-rain-gear" thing that I hate so much. In Florida, I never wore a raincoat for that reason. With it usually being hot and humid I was always willing to just try my luck with an umbrella and a run to the nearest car.

I'm lying....I don't run....quick walk if you will.

The 1, 2, 3 train wasn't running because there was water on the tracks.

Let me pause here for a second...how in the hell don't you have a workaround for that? Doesn't it snow here? I'm assuming it didn't start raining once I moved...I mean....that's like lights not working in florida because the sun is out. Do better!

So with my usual trains not running, this morning's commute consisted of a brisk walk across a bridge, over a river, and down the way to catch the 5 train in to the city. When the train arrived the doors opened and everyone exhaled....it was that full....i'm not kidding. So when they inhaled in anticipation of the doors closing I just squished in. Thankfully when the trains are that full you don't need to hold on to anything because you can't move anyway. My joy was short lived because of issue #1...Sweating under my raingear....now compounded with issue #2 a disruption to my morning schedule. I was sandwiched in and I'm pretty sure I got to at least 2nd base with one of the guys on the train just by proxy.

Issue 3....I've managed to lose my metro card. Not the one with the $5 balance that I use in a pinch....nope....the one monthly one....the monthly one that I just paid $89 for ON MONDAY.

Rain makes me happy (as you can probably tell by my background). I get very few grey-black, stormy, nasty, blanket & tea-worthy days. I finally get one...on a Friday no less and I'm too annoyed to enjoy it.

I hope yours is better.