Ramblings

1. I still can't seem to make it to the gym. It boils down to sleep or gym. Sleep seems to win every time.

2. My supervisor pulled my internet at work, not really sure why. Needless to say, I've been teaching myself how to play solitaire (macs don't come with solitaire pre-loaded so I hadn't played it before).

3. My new health insurance kicked in. I'm paying $140 less each month and my coverage is infinitely better. At the risk of over-sharing my monthly BC cost dropped by $30. Can I praise Jesus for cheaper BC? Seems like a cause to pause. Hmmm...I'm thankfully regardless.

4. I finally got 30 more minutes of sleep last night, bringing my total to 5 hours. Can I tell you how much better I feel this morning? Amazing!

5. I'm still job hunting, without much luck, but a challenge is a challenge.

6. Sweets and I are supposed to go to Jamaica in July for a bday/anny trip. I'm excited and apprehensive at the same time. More on that later.

7. In MOH news, some of the BM's did some research and decided that the bridal shower should be paid for and executed by the MOH and the bride's family. This is after they planned most of it. For politeness sake, I will refrain from "going in" but lets just say that was one reply that sat in my drafts for a few hours before I could hit send.

8. I finally feel a bit better abt my promotion, but I'm failing my sales metrics this month. The competitor in me hates that, the manager in me hates the fact that I'll have to write myself up, and the rest of me is too tired to really be concerned.

9. For the last two weeks I've had Tuesday nights off and didn't make it to Bible Study. I have no one to blame, but myself.

10. I realized that I didn't post anything for Vday. I have a sinking feeling that while 2010 will be a great year overall, the holidays will be just another "good day." I feel some kind of way about that.

11. Speaking of Bdays, my September bday does not stand a chance against the love of fall weddings (everyone), anniversaries (most of my family), etc. I need to rethink when I actually celebrate my bday so that everyone can actually afford to do something when it comes around.

Mad as Hell 4 No Reason

-I was so mad at you that I shut down until you left me alone.

-I couldn't understand why you'd be such a self-serving a-hole.

- I couldn't understand why you couldn't understand my disdain for you.

- I meant to give you a piece of mind, but got sidetracked talking sh*t about how mad I was at you.

- When we finally spoke I had gotten over it, sort of.

-In the span of the conversation I realized that I totally misread the situation and my anger was for naught.

-Glad I never actually said anything to you.

-My bad.

Shorts

My brain is completely fried which is why my posts are short and less structured. I'm trying to get back in the habit of writing and using that as a release.....bear with me.

And It Kills Me.....

The last few weeks have been incredibly busy and incredibly rough. Namely in the relationship department. Sweets is really working hard in the studio and I'm soooo proud of him. Studio time/studio hours means that we are living opposite lives. He works from 4pm-8am and I work 430am-9pm. Yea.....about that.

This is just the beginning I'm sure.

Fell off the Wagon

I went shopping today. I bought several articles of clothing, tons of jewelry, made a hair/brow appointment and got my nails done. Basically, I blacked out and lost my mind and spent sooo much money.

I don't even know why.

That's a lie. I know why. This is the downside to working so damn much. Ever so often I completely lose sight of my financial planning and I just want to have a great time. I just want to have something to show for a 98 hour work week. Unfortunately, I know have a lot of "somethings" to show for it.

I will learn one day.

Pictures

I need to clean and purge the things in my room. There is one section that I haven't touched in two years. It's the bag of "ex things/memories" that I packed, stuffed in a corner and put out of my mind. One part of me thinks that I should just toss it. The other part of me thinks its worth keeping, since it's my history (much like horrid 8th grade pictures).

We've talked about what to do with jewelry from the ex, I got rid of the credit card and misplaced the key....the pictures though I'm hesitant about. I'd love your opinion esp since 50% of the people that read this blog are in at least one of those pics.

Crazy

I don't know how to turn off the reminders in my head. I don't know how to live in the moment and enjoy what is going on right now. I can't let go of the feeling that I'm behind. I worry that I'm going to drive myself and my other half crazy.

Check Please

Today capped off what has to be one of the worst weeks on record for me by far. The odd thing is from those around me it seems to have been a pretty good arrangement of days. I keep looking at people and trying to figure why they are so incredibly happy.

Bizarre!

For Real?

1. In the past 3 months, every time I've left a city it gets snow or torrential rain...both of which I love...and seem to keep missing.

2. Got the title for my car this week...PAID OFF! Why is it starting to make a funky noise? Why do I need an oil change, two o2 sensors, timing belt, and tires?

3. My lovely retail company is offerring free express shipping on all purchases made by noon today. We get paid tomorrow.

4. My bank statement is 97% food/drink purchases. I'm sitting at my desk eating cornmeal porridge...it's the best tasting breakfast I've had all week and I probably won't be hungry again until 1pm....It's comprised of 3 tablespoons of cornmeal, 1/2 cup of water, 1/2 cup of milk, 2 tablespoons of condensed milk, a dash of nutmeg, vanilla, and cinammon. Total cost? Absolutely Nothing.

5. For the past 2 weeks I've been searching my entire life for a pair of skinny jeans and my brown belt. I cleaned out my car, my room, both closets, sweet's place, checked his car, checked work...Nothing....Today, I decided to text my sister's bestie to see if she saw them, when she picked up a bag my sis had left for her.....the jeans were in the bag...she lives in Gainesville. I really thought I was going crazy.


6. I'm on a church committee and I have one year left to serve. I haven't made it to church yet in 2010. I've either been out of town, working, or exhausted from doing one of the former. This committee took a vote and decided to make me the recording secretary. I missed the meeting in which the new people were inducted and missed the meeting in which they took the vote. (Scratching my head)

Discipline

I've always made a decent amount of money. I never have anything to really show for it outside of memories and/or tech toys. So part of my 2010 hustle is to be more disciplined with my money. Tackling bills first and shopping second. It's the most frustrating thing I've ever tried to do.

When I tackle my debt that causes long-term satisfaction, but sometimes you want some immediate token to show for your kachillion hour work weeks. This month's goals are completely intangible.

I'm paying my car insurance through September, eliminating my lowest line of credit, and booking an Atl trip for March.

I want sooo very badly to get to March, because that's the month that will yield toys! Computers and such!

Just have to keep on trucking.....and stay focused.

(Expletive)

1> "Please hold for a very important message."
a. Who thought that was a good way to start a call?
b. Who holds for the message?

2> Eccentric personalities annoy me. I barely have time to do a fraction of the things I need to do in a given day. Figuring out your riddle-speak, whilst you tweet about moons and clovers just pisses me off. Who has time to be weird? Get normal or Go away.

3>
Friday: Broke my spare bberry battery charger
Saturday: Ordered a new one
Tuesday: Got the spare battery charger, Lost my spare battery
Wednesday: Ordered a new spare battery
Thursday: Found my spare battery, but left my spare battery charger at home
Friday: Brought my spare battery charger to work, can't find my spare battery....again.

4> Why do I owe money to the government? I get taxed within an inch of my life every single check, I work multiple jobs, AND I have to payout almost $300 in additional taxes? I must make it seem like I don't need the money.

5> I'm working on a document for one of my bosses and I convert it from Word to PDF then go through and add all of the fields etc. so that you can fill it out online. Finish the document and give it to her and she wants to omit a word from the instruction graph at the top of page 1.

6> My sister won't let me resign from my MOH post. I've asked her twice. I can't believe she's willing to be this selfish. I'm so going to have her on valet duty when I get married.

7> I've been discussing some payroll issues with my staffers and I went to my boss, and we need to look at the budget and make some changes. He implied that looking at the budget required looking at my position (at least in the short term) because there is questionable value in what I do. Then he emailed me about staffing a new division, fleshing out an extensive new category selection, and reminded me to report back the notes from a conference call I'm hosting today.

8> Just realized I had one earring in my ear. Why is it no one feels the need to mention that I'm walking around here looking like Louis Gossett Jr.?

9> I don't have my Jesus playlist anymore because I don't have an ipod and I don't have enough space on my phone. I'm having one of those days where some gospel music would help and I've just realized that Jesus didn't make the cut. When did I have that conversation with myself? "Jay-z, Pink, Maxwell, Thicke, John Mayer, Jesus...well...I guess I'll catch JC on the flipside." SMDH!

10> Howard made me hate the use of the N-word. N-words make me want to use it all the time. Sweets uses the N-word for people who don't even tan well. I have some kind of weird love/hate of the word...trying to find some middle ground.

WTH?

I've insured myself for the last 2-3 years. My new promotion makes me benefit eligible which is probably the best thing about it. So I called my current insurance provider last Friday to find out what I needed to do to cancel my policy. She told me the process, but neglected to tell me that I'd need to do those things by Friday in order to not get slapped with the auto-payment for this month. So when I called back on Wednesday to cancel this is what occurred:

Me: Hi I just faxed the letter stating that I wish to terminate my coverage is there anything else that I need to do on my end.
Insurance lady: Umm.....that auto payment already pushed through.
Me: (silence)
IL: The person you spoke to gave you all the right steps she just needed to tell you that last Friday was the deadline to cancel that payment.
Me: So what are my options?
IL: Well right now your payment of $225 will clear from your account on Monday. Once it clears you can call in and we can mail you a check back for that amount.
Me: Ok, not ideal, but not a problem it usually clears from my account instantly, so we should be able to have the matter cleared up quickly.
IL: (pause) no.....not when it clears from your account. when it clears on our end. It usually takes about 15 days.
Me: (pulling up the calendar) So what you're saying is you can verify that my policy is being terminated today, but you can't stop the draft payment. Not only can you not stop the draft payment, but I will have to wait until some time in the first week of March to get back a payment taken from my account February 8th?
IL: yes....ma'am.
IL: There is one other thing you could do
Me: (wearily) I'm listening
IL: You could do a stop payment through your bank
Me: (sigh) ok it's worth a try

************************************************

Basically, my bank needs 3 business days to process a stop payment. I didn't have three business days....I had two. The bank guy told me if I had a document stating that my coverage was discontinued then i could dispute the charges and get my money back faster. Called the insurance company and they won't even be able to verify receipt of my letter until next week, much less give me something official to dispute the charges.



Sigh...........

Ramblings

1. Woke up this morning panicked that I hadn't gotten to the grocery store to stock up on necessities. Then I realized I don't live in D.C. I just tweet folks that do. (for those of you who aren't following the news...the area is supposed to get a major snowstorm).

2. I've been working on a blog post all week....trying to say just enough without getting fired, trying to say just enough without getting kicked out of my sister's wedding, etc. I blinked twice and realized it was Friday.....and I had managed to spend an entire week saying nothing.

3. I don't understand the west coast. Why would you sign up to get everything late? The only thing that the west coast gets before the east coast is news about earthquakes and firestorms. Not to mention, if ever you were to head east you're already late once you leave.....ridiculous.

4. I wish that I'd run into my ex and get it over with. It's been almost two years and I'd like to just get the awkward exchange out of the way. Why does there have to be a run-in you ask? We work in the same mall....just on opposite sides. The probability is high that we'll have a run-in and I'll prob have on a fubu fit, with grommets, and stirrups.

5. I've come to realize that once I drop the multiple job circuit my busy-ness will come to a screeching halt. What in the hell will I do with myself? More importantly how do I move past the ridiculous habits that I've acquired (ie. being a mobile office at times?)

6. I wear my glasses because I don't have time to do my makeup in the morning. I've come to realize that more often than not my glasses are filthy and I look around the filth.....so are they really helping to deflect my homliness? prob not.

7. Sweets and I borrowed the Twilight movie from a friend weeks ago and haven't had 2 hours to sit and watch it together. Makes me worry. Don't even get me started on the Heroes series that I excitedly thought we could get caught up on. Although, we haven't missed a Fantasia episode...hmmm....

8. I get inspiration on things to write about based on what I read in my fellow blogger fam's posts. I wonder if they mind? Right now I'm working on a "Heirarchy of Happiness" post based solely on Ana's last post.....Is that breaking a blogger code? Hmmm.... I still have a #Truthis post in my draft too. Does a hyperlink make it better? My apologies Ana if it doesn't.

January: Check

I'm inspired to make this year fantastic. Not in a grand gesture sort of way. I just want to get to December 31, 2010 and not feel like I wasted a year.

So far, I've paid off my car, settled some old bills and drafted a firm budget/plan for the rest of the first quarter. I've decided on a firm date to end one of my three jobs and a tentative date to end a second one.

I've streamlined vacations and frivolities for the first half of the year and have identified exactly how and when I will pay for them.

I'm still job hunting because frankly "a closed mouth won't get fed" and I'm finally starting to feel less like a person watching the world from the outside and more like someone worth watching.