I feel like I'm at the stage in my life when I need work on my relationshp with my mother. Not that we are estranged, but she has skillfully guided me in every aspect of my life, except my relationships.
She's definitely given me her thoughts about spending too much time (read: too many nights) at a significant other's house, or if she thought my guy-of-the-month wasn't focused enough she'd let me know, but I need her help and some wisdom.
Truth be told, its the fact that she's struggled in her relationship with my father AND the fact that she didn't get to establish herself as an individual before getting married that lays the framework for the type of candor and sounding board that I need right now.
We just struggle with those conversations. We are so similar that we hear, but we don't listen. We are so busy with our own conclusions that we've missed the real problem. We frustrate easily. I could go on for days.
I think this is worth my efforts though. I have some critical decisions to make and her voice is the one that I'm missing the most.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Ramblings
1. Why do sales only happen when I don’t have extra funds? Ugh! I missed a sample sale grrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!
2. I’ve been watching Carmelo Anthony and La La’s wedding show and I’m left scratching my head.
a. What is La La’s current source of income?
b. How was she able to get her whole family on point with her VJ money?
c. She asked her cousin to move to LA to help in during the final weeks leading up to the wedding. Her cousin came without batting an eyelash. What does she do?
3. I’ve almost forgotten what grass between my toes feels like. Maybe I should rethink my yardless fantasies.
4. I need new dancehall, reggae, soca music in my life. Seriously, I’m painfully out of the loop. Can someone please send me a link to one of those 86 track mixtapes?
5. In the last month, I’ve been to the grocery store at least 4 times for some sort of vegetable/lean meat purpose. Yesterday, I went to pick up some odds and ends along with fruit loops and I ran into blogger Dani, who reminded me that smaller waistlines don’t happen via sugary cereal. What are the odds????
6. I have no idea what I did yesterday from 2pm-6pm. I was at my desk and awake, but I accomplished nothing.
7. I’ve decided to embrace LC’s love of the Chicago Bears. My reasons: I like the color combination against my skin and I’m rather pleased that a Suncoast alum is on the team. Feel free to judge I don’t have any apologies.
8. This week’s Ash/Dani excerpt (Carib edition):
Dani: Are “wait in vain”, “love and affection” and “she’s royal” on your reception playlist? I just need to know how much stretching I need to do and whther or not to leave my footbottom slightly rough for optimal slow wind footing.”
Ash: RETARD
Dani: I’m just checking!
Ash: You are not of the lord
Dani: Why would you say such a thing?
Ash: LOL
Dani: I just need to know if I should be prepared to compete with one of those one finger up, high-knee trini hops that you do across the floor when DJ such-and-such pulls up your tune
Ash: I am training someone right now. What is wrong with you?????? He now thinks I have a nervous giggle
Dani: The questions just washed over me
Ash: I am church giggling at my cubicle
Dani: My job here is done
8. I pride myself in either not carrying a purse at all or mirroring Mary Poppins and pulling something amazing out of my bag when needed. Today’s trick? I went from a tunic, skinnies, and flats at work…. to a blazer over the tunic which was cinched with a wide belt, all of which was paired with ankle booties…gloss and face powder…In the elevator….Between the 6th and 1st Floor. Score!
9. Today’s truth: I sewed my navy skinnies with green thread. My mom would be so disappointed.
10. I’ve been back home every month, since I’ve moved. However, I do most of my traveling on Sundays. Right now, short of maybe Easter 2011 I don’t know when I’ll get back to my FL church to say “hi.” I’ve got to figure something out.
2. I’ve been watching Carmelo Anthony and La La’s wedding show and I’m left scratching my head.
a. What is La La’s current source of income?
b. How was she able to get her whole family on point with her VJ money?
c. She asked her cousin to move to LA to help in during the final weeks leading up to the wedding. Her cousin came without batting an eyelash. What does she do?
3. I’ve almost forgotten what grass between my toes feels like. Maybe I should rethink my yardless fantasies.
4. I need new dancehall, reggae, soca music in my life. Seriously, I’m painfully out of the loop. Can someone please send me a link to one of those 86 track mixtapes?
5. In the last month, I’ve been to the grocery store at least 4 times for some sort of vegetable/lean meat purpose. Yesterday, I went to pick up some odds and ends along with fruit loops and I ran into blogger Dani, who reminded me that smaller waistlines don’t happen via sugary cereal. What are the odds????
6. I have no idea what I did yesterday from 2pm-6pm. I was at my desk and awake, but I accomplished nothing.
7. I’ve decided to embrace LC’s love of the Chicago Bears. My reasons: I like the color combination against my skin and I’m rather pleased that a Suncoast alum is on the team. Feel free to judge I don’t have any apologies.
8. This week’s Ash/Dani excerpt (Carib edition):
Dani: Are “wait in vain”, “love and affection” and “she’s royal” on your reception playlist? I just need to know how much stretching I need to do and whther or not to leave my footbottom slightly rough for optimal slow wind footing.”
Ash: RETARD
Dani: I’m just checking!
Ash: You are not of the lord
Dani: Why would you say such a thing?
Ash: LOL
Dani: I just need to know if I should be prepared to compete with one of those one finger up, high-knee trini hops that you do across the floor when DJ such-and-such pulls up your tune
Ash: I am training someone right now. What is wrong with you?????? He now thinks I have a nervous giggle
Dani: The questions just washed over me
Ash: I am church giggling at my cubicle
Dani: My job here is done
8. I pride myself in either not carrying a purse at all or mirroring Mary Poppins and pulling something amazing out of my bag when needed. Today’s trick? I went from a tunic, skinnies, and flats at work…. to a blazer over the tunic which was cinched with a wide belt, all of which was paired with ankle booties…gloss and face powder…In the elevator….Between the 6th and 1st Floor. Score!
9. Today’s truth: I sewed my navy skinnies with green thread. My mom would be so disappointed.
10. I’ve been back home every month, since I’ve moved. However, I do most of my traveling on Sundays. Right now, short of maybe Easter 2011 I don’t know when I’ll get back to my FL church to say “hi.” I’ve got to figure something out.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Klutz
I really don’t know how I’ve managed to make it 28 years without really hurting myself. For those of you who have been privileged enough to miss out on this revelation, I…D Marie….am incredibly klutzy. Not in a “never-been-kissed” sort of way (thank GOD) but more so in a there’s a 1-in-3 chance that what is on my fork will never hit my mouth, plate or the table….but will instead end up on the floor, in the bed, in my bra or in my purse…sort of way.
Yesterday, I managed to turn my coke bottle into a weapon and sprayed coke all over my body and cubicle. Last week, I stepped off the curb and almost wiped out. So much so that a perfect stranger stopped, took her headphones out of her ears, eyeballed the hospital doors that were 10 feet away and asked me if I needed help getting there. She was serious.
LC and I picked out a dining table over the weekend for his place and I am infinitely glad to have the backing of a table and chairs to slow down the Dani-sheets-melee (so far? I’ve spilled red wine, oj, champagne, coke, and a bit of every meal that we’ve ever consumed in the last three months.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me….I have a dwindling amount of balance, coordination, and focus that I wrap up in a pretty box and decorate with neatly coordinated bow. I’ve got to figure out how to do better. Post Haste!
Yesterday, I managed to turn my coke bottle into a weapon and sprayed coke all over my body and cubicle. Last week, I stepped off the curb and almost wiped out. So much so that a perfect stranger stopped, took her headphones out of her ears, eyeballed the hospital doors that were 10 feet away and asked me if I needed help getting there. She was serious.
LC and I picked out a dining table over the weekend for his place and I am infinitely glad to have the backing of a table and chairs to slow down the Dani-sheets-melee (so far? I’ve spilled red wine, oj, champagne, coke, and a bit of every meal that we’ve ever consumed in the last three months.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me….I have a dwindling amount of balance, coordination, and focus that I wrap up in a pretty box and decorate with neatly coordinated bow. I’ve got to figure out how to do better. Post Haste!
Monday, September 27, 2010
I woke up this morning, made coffee and sat in my sparsely decorated living room and felt like the richest girl in the world.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the future. This morning, I'm just thinking about right now.
I'm glad to be in this place, at this moment, in this time.
It's not perfect, but it's all mine.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the future. This morning, I'm just thinking about right now.
I'm glad to be in this place, at this moment, in this time.
It's not perfect, but it's all mine.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Technicolor
For some reason when I'm at LC's place I dream in technicolor. Hell, I think I dream in Imax. Either way, my dreams have plots, characters, suspense, a hidden ending after the credits and a score.....the whole deal.
I wake up rested, but two hours later I'm exhausted. I'm not sure why this only happens at his house, but I wish it would stop.
I just want the type of sleep that is so good to me that I forget to dream. Yea....that would be great right now.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Happy Birthday
Dear God,
Thank you for blessing me with a new day and the completion of another year. Thank you for showing me that what you can do is bigger than what I can dream. Thank you for the closing windows and opening doors. Thank you for my continued struggles. While I don't like them, I realize that they bring me closer to you and your work.
Forgive my missteps and allow me to be the blessing to those around me (in body and spirit) that they are to me. Thank you for my angels.
Amen
Thank you for blessing me with a new day and the completion of another year. Thank you for showing me that what you can do is bigger than what I can dream. Thank you for the closing windows and opening doors. Thank you for my continued struggles. While I don't like them, I realize that they bring me closer to you and your work.
Forgive my missteps and allow me to be the blessing to those around me (in body and spirit) that they are to me. Thank you for my angels.
Amen
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Look Back, Look Forward
I decided to see what I had to say a year ago today.....
My how things change. Since last birthday I'm down to one job, have a new beau, and am living in a new city. I guess it's time to really think about what I want to accomplish @ 28.
Mind: Take (and finish) a class....any class....but start fresh and learn something new.
Body: Less of it...'nuf said.
Soul: Commit to prayer/blessings journal EVERY DAY. Start a vision board.
Work: Start learning more in my current position, or finding one that keeps me on my toes.
Love: Stop waiting for the "bottom to fall out."
Travel: JAMAICA, Toronto, Seattle, Vancouver & at least one trip with my brother & sister
Adventure: At least one theme park, white-water rafting(it's been too long)
My how things change. Since last birthday I'm down to one job, have a new beau, and am living in a new city. I guess it's time to really think about what I want to accomplish @ 28.
Mind: Take (and finish) a class....any class....but start fresh and learn something new.
Body: Less of it...'nuf said.
Soul: Commit to prayer/blessings journal EVERY DAY. Start a vision board.
Work: Start learning more in my current position, or finding one that keeps me on my toes.
Love: Stop waiting for the "bottom to fall out."
Travel: JAMAICA, Toronto, Seattle, Vancouver & at least one trip with my brother & sister
Adventure: At least one theme park, white-water rafting(it's been too long)
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Different Light
My stint as my sister's Maid of Honor is dwindling. At the time of this post, the wedding will be about 25 days away. Last weekend was her shower/bachelorette party which was an absolute blast.
I experienced deja vu of sorts watching Ash and the ladies interact at her shower, watching her interact with her hubs-to-be, and seeing how their lives are unfolding in the days leading up to the wedding. The events I saw this weekend are almost a mirror image of what I saw a year ago as Podmate Davis prepared to become Podmate Davis-Smith.
It's an amazing thing to see the transition and the growth from dating life/reality to married life/reality.
I experienced deja vu of sorts watching Ash and the ladies interact at her shower, watching her interact with her hubs-to-be, and seeing how their lives are unfolding in the days leading up to the wedding. The events I saw this weekend are almost a mirror image of what I saw a year ago as Podmate Davis prepared to become Podmate Davis-Smith.
It's an amazing thing to see the transition and the growth from dating life/reality to married life/reality.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Transient
I wish I could feel settled. Since May 23, 2000 I have always felt like I'm on borrowed time in one location or another. I moved for undergrad, but knew that without fail every summer I would have to pack up my wares, put them in storage, go back to South Florida for three months, return to DC, unpack and do it all over again.
After graduation in 2004, I didn't have a plan (read: job) so I moved back home for what was supposed to be six months. It ended up being six years. You would think in that time I would've felt settled. Truth be told. I never unpacked. Most of my undergrad boxes remained packed and in storage until May 2010 when I moved to New York. The entire time that I was back in South Florida I felt/hoped/wished/prayed that I was only there temporarily.
My last 4+ months here have been a whirlwind of trips between FL, DC, and NY. I love to travel and it's the type of crazy that makes me smile. However, flying from South Florida back to New York yesterday felt bittersweet. I was excited to get to my bed and my familiar (yet new world), but there was still an undercurrent feeling of impermanence. Yes, I haven't been here long, but I guess what I'm getting at is I'm not sure if this move will be long-term(ie. more than a year).
I guess I have to see what the next year brings and what my next step will be, but I'm realizing more and more that I need to figure out my base. As podmate would say, I need to put down roots.
Ideally, I want a job and a life that involves travel and variety, but in order to do that and maintain a semblance of sanity I have to also have a constant. I'm ready to unpack.
After graduation in 2004, I didn't have a plan (read: job) so I moved back home for what was supposed to be six months. It ended up being six years. You would think in that time I would've felt settled. Truth be told. I never unpacked. Most of my undergrad boxes remained packed and in storage until May 2010 when I moved to New York. The entire time that I was back in South Florida I felt/hoped/wished/prayed that I was only there temporarily.
My last 4+ months here have been a whirlwind of trips between FL, DC, and NY. I love to travel and it's the type of crazy that makes me smile. However, flying from South Florida back to New York yesterday felt bittersweet. I was excited to get to my bed and my familiar (yet new world), but there was still an undercurrent feeling of impermanence. Yes, I haven't been here long, but I guess what I'm getting at is I'm not sure if this move will be long-term(ie. more than a year).
I guess I have to see what the next year brings and what my next step will be, but I'm realizing more and more that I need to figure out my base. As podmate would say, I need to put down roots.
Ideally, I want a job and a life that involves travel and variety, but in order to do that and maintain a semblance of sanity I have to also have a constant. I'm ready to unpack.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Whew!
Hotel Room: Trashed
Press: Ruined
Eyes: Bloodshot
Bride: unconscious but fully dressed
Other Maids: in the hot tub
MOH: on the other side
Press: Ruined
Eyes: Bloodshot
Bride: unconscious but fully dressed
Other Maids: in the hot tub
MOH: on the other side
I can breathe a sigh of relief....this weekend went well and I just need to get my sis down the aisle and say something touching @ the reception and I'm done.
In the interim......I can finally get really excited about my birthday on Thursday. It feels great to be on the other side of the stress.
Whew!
Friday, September 17, 2010
The Chairs
My budgeting abilities have always existed on a "worst case scenario" basis. My financial planning in years past has consisted of the question: "how many jobs do I need to have to maintain this lifestyle?"
I don't live extravagantly. I just don't save. Anything. Ever. My savings account is more like a short-term repository for my trite direct deposit amounts that will eventually be spent. Yea... that's a hard reality to see in print, but the point is to be honest.
I'm not dodging any repo men, I'm just acutely aware that is for any reason I couldn't work tomorrow things would be bad...quickly. I need to create more security for myself.
Part of what I've been working on this year and will continue to work on is consistency. I can plan and budget when things get tight. But, I need to work on doing it always. Making discipline the norm and not the exception will help me in the long run.
At the point at which I'm sitting down with my soon-to-be-spouse and talking about what we're both bringing to the table, I'd like to at the very least be able to contribute to the chairs and not heartburn.
I don't live extravagantly. I just don't save. Anything. Ever. My savings account is more like a short-term repository for my trite direct deposit amounts that will eventually be spent. Yea... that's a hard reality to see in print, but the point is to be honest.
I'm not dodging any repo men, I'm just acutely aware that is for any reason I couldn't work tomorrow things would be bad...quickly. I need to create more security for myself.
Part of what I've been working on this year and will continue to work on is consistency. I can plan and budget when things get tight. But, I need to work on doing it always. Making discipline the norm and not the exception will help me in the long run.
At the point at which I'm sitting down with my soon-to-be-spouse and talking about what we're both bringing to the table, I'd like to at the very least be able to contribute to the chairs and not heartburn.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Ramblings
1. My suitcase is starting to pack itself. Between things pertaining to my sister's wedding and my long distance relationship, I'm a (tired) woman on the move. This week will most definitely prove interesting as I'll be back in my apt Sunday and will be gone again Wednesday night.
2. Speaking of LC, I volunteered his patronage of my neighbor's candy drive. She's ten (ish) and pushing her wares like she belongs in a Clipse video. LC's response to my news: "oh....so THIS is how it begins?"
3. My hair today looks phenomenal. I can only assume it's because I made a hair appointment (sigh).
4. I miss being able to do laundry without having to leave my place. Certain comforts are hard to let go.
5. My bday is exactly 7 days away. I wish I could be more excited, but I am immediately focused on my MOH duties this weekend. Wish me luck!
2. Speaking of LC, I volunteered his patronage of my neighbor's candy drive. She's ten (ish) and pushing her wares like she belongs in a Clipse video. LC's response to my news: "oh....so THIS is how it begins?"
3. My hair today looks phenomenal. I can only assume it's because I made a hair appointment (sigh).
4. I miss being able to do laundry without having to leave my place. Certain comforts are hard to let go.
5. My bday is exactly 7 days away. I wish I could be more excited, but I am immediately focused on my MOH duties this weekend. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
My Resignation
Dear Management:
Thank you immensely for the opportunities afforded to me over the last three years. I've made great personal and professional strides and am incredibly pleased with my successes.
After careful consideration, I feel that it's best for me to move on and explore some other options. My decision was not made lightly, but I do feel that is in the best interest of all parties involved.
My resignation is effective Sunday, October 17, 2010.
Regards,
Dani
Maid of Honor
Thank you immensely for the opportunities afforded to me over the last three years. I've made great personal and professional strides and am incredibly pleased with my successes.
After careful consideration, I feel that it's best for me to move on and explore some other options. My decision was not made lightly, but I do feel that is in the best interest of all parties involved.
My resignation is effective Sunday, October 17, 2010.
Regards,
Dani
Maid of Honor
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Cloud 8.75 and Counting....
I can be a bit out of control. Those who love me sometimes just go with it.....
My sister is the absolute best. Here's an excerpt from this morning's convo.
Ash: How's cloud 9?
Dani: Rather nice they have almonds here
Ash: Is it everything you hoped it would be?
Dani: Oh yea!
Ash: LOL
Dani: It's like that and there are pop chips.
Ash: I want almonds
Ash: Am I not on cloud 9?
Ash: Dammit Steve!
Ash: What cloud is this?!
Dani: I'll throw some almonds in my purse for you
Dani: Maybe you're on cloud 8.75
Dani: The econocloud
Ash: He's so cheap
Dani: LOLOL
Ash: Couldn't even splurge on my cloud
Ash: Bastard
Dani: *DEAD*
My sister is the absolute best. Here's an excerpt from this morning's convo.
My BBM away message currently reads: "On Cloud 9"
Ash: How's cloud 9?
Dani: Rather nice they have almonds here
Ash: Is it everything you hoped it would be?
Dani: Oh yea!
Ash: LOL
Dani: It's like that and there are pop chips.
Ash: I want almonds
Ash: Am I not on cloud 9?
Ash: Dammit Steve!
Ash: What cloud is this?!
Dani: I'll throw some almonds in my purse for you
Dani: Maybe you're on cloud 8.75
Dani: The econocloud
Ash: He's so cheap
Dani: LOLOL
Ash: Couldn't even splurge on my cloud
Ash: Bastard
Dani: *DEAD*
Monday, September 13, 2010
Ramblings
1. On the heels of my "I'm Boring" post, I have the type of weekend that requires a quad venti latte just to make it to work Monday morning.
2. Friday night's fashion experience made me realize that I love the business and the emotions of fashion. I also realized that I stop just shy of being willing to spend the money to live in the fashion that I love. I just watch it from afar and ogle. I'm perfectly fine with that.
3. LC made an impromptu visit this weekend and I cannot verbalize how glad I am that he made the trip. He and I both have a pretty intense week at work and then we both have important trips to our respective homes this weekend. It was good to spend some unscripted down time together. I love that man.
4. For the next 33 days I will be in rare form. Trying to figure out how to make everything happen work-wise(I'm two weeks behind on assignments), getting all of my MOH loose ends tied up and more importantly paid for(shower, bachelorrette party, plane ticket for the wedding), and just trying to get to October 17th(the happiest day of my life ie. the day AFTER the wedding) in one piece and only midly frazzled. Oh and somewhere in the midst of the stress storm I need to remember to enjoy my birthday.
5. Ah yes, and just on the other side of the wedding are a few minor end of the year events that might require some budgetary prayer and supplication: Tentative visit from family, Visit from friends in November, Thanksgiving trip home(I have NEVER seen plane tickets that are so inappropriately high), Christmas trip to Chicago.
2. Friday night's fashion experience made me realize that I love the business and the emotions of fashion. I also realized that I stop just shy of being willing to spend the money to live in the fashion that I love. I just watch it from afar and ogle. I'm perfectly fine with that.
3. LC made an impromptu visit this weekend and I cannot verbalize how glad I am that he made the trip. He and I both have a pretty intense week at work and then we both have important trips to our respective homes this weekend. It was good to spend some unscripted down time together. I love that man.
4. For the next 33 days I will be in rare form. Trying to figure out how to make everything happen work-wise(I'm two weeks behind on assignments), getting all of my MOH loose ends tied up and more importantly paid for(shower, bachelorrette party, plane ticket for the wedding), and just trying to get to October 17th(the happiest day of my life ie. the day AFTER the wedding) in one piece and only midly frazzled. Oh and somewhere in the midst of the stress storm I need to remember to enjoy my birthday.
5. Ah yes, and just on the other side of the wedding are a few minor end of the year events that might require some budgetary prayer and supplication: Tentative visit from family, Visit from friends in November, Thanksgiving trip home(I have NEVER seen plane tickets that are so inappropriately high), Christmas trip to Chicago.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Update: I've Got A Feeling....
Two things.....after last night's post I saw Anna Wintour....while standing in the meatpacking district outside of Tory Burch.....in NYC.....I'm just overjoyed.
The second thing...LC just walked in the door
:-)
The second thing...LC just walked in the door
:-)
Friday, September 10, 2010
I've Got A Feeling.....
Tonight was a great night! Fashion's Night Out was an amazing experience. Kanye, Andre Leon Talley, DVF, Estelle, Tracee Ellis Ross, and Janelle Monae sightings made it great.....hanging out with the ladies made it better.
But a night this magical should end with LC.....(Sigh)......this is so hard.
Boring
At my core I'm a boring person.
Personality for days? Yes.
Exciting Life? No.
Do I see a problem with it? Not really.
I enjoy taking walks and getting lost. I love going out to eat and having great conversation. Occasionally, I will deviate from my daily grind.
However, most days consist of commuting to and from work, figuring out dinner, chatting with LC and/or watching some TV and then doing it all over again tomorrow.
Am I boring by choice or by circumstance? A little bit of both I think. Either way. The bigger question is why doesn't my routine seem to bother me more? It's like I feel compelled to have a better story to tell, but lack the actual motivation to do so.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Just One
I could take a step forward and leave a trail of blood on the floor, or I could remain in my crane stance trying to maintain my balance against the cold wall.
SH*T!
I had one foot in the shower and could have avoided this by not being so flighty, but it dawned on me that turning the iron on would make my post-shower process go quicker. The thought of a hot iron, quick "bump" of the front of my dress, and an even quicker exit from my apartment motivated me to take the one foot out of the shower and step into the hall.
It wasn't the instant pain of the first step, but more so the anguish of the second step that let me know instantly that I had indeed not only stepped on glass, but now had it lodged in the bottom of my foot. So now back to my quandry. Any step leads to a trail of blood. Too far away from the shower to just get back in it. No sandals in close view. Too far away from a tissue, toilet paper, cotton square, or gauze to even attempt to triage. More importantly I needed to remove this piece of pain immediately.
SH*T! I thought I cleaned up all of the broken glass from yesterday's ode to clumsiness. (Sigh)
It occurred to me in that moment, wow I really live alone. Yes, it should've occurred to me much earlier...maybe around the first obscene rent check. Or possibly the point at which I purchased 75% of the local target store and then had to figure out how to get it over the bridge, down the street, into the building and up to my apartment. Nope it took what would have been a hilarious scene if I wasn't in pain, for me to really process that I d.marie lived alone.
Let's be honest, I know that if anything serious ever happened I have some great people that can come to my aid, but in that moment what I needed more than anything else, was an extra set of hands. And maybe a robe....hmm....and some iodine.
Living alone has so many amazing advantages. Not having to apologize for my own sloppiness (and even occassional filth), always having total control of my television programming(which 99.9% of the time does not include ESPN), existing on a well-balanced diet of fruit loops and red wine(and enjoying both immensely), decorating (or not...in my case) exactly the way I wanted to....I mean the list is absolutely endless. But the downside to living alone is that when you really need someone else there few things are a comparable substitute.
I now need a new bath mat, but since I'm the only one looking at it that will probably happen later than sooner.
SH*T!
I had one foot in the shower and could have avoided this by not being so flighty, but it dawned on me that turning the iron on would make my post-shower process go quicker. The thought of a hot iron, quick "bump" of the front of my dress, and an even quicker exit from my apartment motivated me to take the one foot out of the shower and step into the hall.
It wasn't the instant pain of the first step, but more so the anguish of the second step that let me know instantly that I had indeed not only stepped on glass, but now had it lodged in the bottom of my foot. So now back to my quandry. Any step leads to a trail of blood. Too far away from the shower to just get back in it. No sandals in close view. Too far away from a tissue, toilet paper, cotton square, or gauze to even attempt to triage. More importantly I needed to remove this piece of pain immediately.
SH*T! I thought I cleaned up all of the broken glass from yesterday's ode to clumsiness. (Sigh)
It occurred to me in that moment, wow I really live alone. Yes, it should've occurred to me much earlier...maybe around the first obscene rent check. Or possibly the point at which I purchased 75% of the local target store and then had to figure out how to get it over the bridge, down the street, into the building and up to my apartment. Nope it took what would have been a hilarious scene if I wasn't in pain, for me to really process that I d.marie lived alone.
Let's be honest, I know that if anything serious ever happened I have some great people that can come to my aid, but in that moment what I needed more than anything else, was an extra set of hands. And maybe a robe....hmm....and some iodine.
Living alone has so many amazing advantages. Not having to apologize for my own sloppiness (and even occassional filth), always having total control of my television programming(which 99.9% of the time does not include ESPN), existing on a well-balanced diet of fruit loops and red wine(and enjoying both immensely), decorating (or not...in my case) exactly the way I wanted to....I mean the list is absolutely endless. But the downside to living alone is that when you really need someone else there few things are a comparable substitute.
I now need a new bath mat, but since I'm the only one looking at it that will probably happen later than sooner.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Not The Big Toe, The Whole Foot
I'm chatty. The way that you get on Christmas morning. The way that you get the day before a vacation. The way that you get when your favorite restaurant is featuring your favorite dish and the ambiance is amazing and someone else is paying for it. I'm that kind of chatty and I'm feeling that kind of joy.
The thing is it isn't Christmas morning. I don't have a vacation coming up. I can't think of my favorite restaurant and I don't even have an inkling as to what my favorite dish could be at the moment.
There is something different going on in my life. I don't feel like I'm reaching or compensating, but just that I'm dealing in reality and more so the tangible. I think this is primarily linked to what is going on my relationship. I've spent the past 15 years dealing in relationship hypothesis. What would you do if....How would things be if.....What would you want if.....
The intangible questions and whimsical responses are like an airplane blanket. They keep you just warm enough to no longer be cold, but aren't effective enough for you to be flat out warm. You are tepid. Something in between.
The unfortunate/fortunate thing about life's lessons is you have to keep living to get to them, through them, and eventually the point of them.
What I'm experiencing now is cold hard reality. Wow, that seems unromantic/unexciting, but it's actually quite the contrary. Discussions about a future? Having them. With plan and timeline. Discussions about moving? There's an outline in place. Discussions about jobs? Covered.
Insert eye roll if you've been reading this blog as I've been living it, the above paragraph seems/sounds familiar.
But....
The difference?
The difference.....The feeling that you get as you are approaching the first drop on a roller coaster. The feeling that you get when you go on a date with someone that you have secretly been in love with for forever. Your first day at a new job that you actually care about. Writing a check for the down payment on your first home.
Taking a hypothetical thing, a dream, a want, an intangible and placing into the realm of reality..there is a feeling, a gasp, a quickened heart rate, a prayer on your lips, tightness in your throat, 4&5 letter words. There is a proverbial "oh sh*t" moment that happens when you realize that you aren't working with what could happen and you're actually actively establishing a plan/framework for what will happen.
Step Back....
As usual. I'm reading and re-reading my garbled mess with more skepticism than most people are capable of, so yes, certainty isn't in the plan/process, but solely in the occurrence.
Touche...
I'll give you that.
I'll file what's happening in my life right now away as a work-in-progress. But I want you to know. Something's happening and I'm free-falling towards it.
The thing is it isn't Christmas morning. I don't have a vacation coming up. I can't think of my favorite restaurant and I don't even have an inkling as to what my favorite dish could be at the moment.
There is something different going on in my life. I don't feel like I'm reaching or compensating, but just that I'm dealing in reality and more so the tangible. I think this is primarily linked to what is going on my relationship. I've spent the past 15 years dealing in relationship hypothesis. What would you do if....How would things be if.....What would you want if.....
The intangible questions and whimsical responses are like an airplane blanket. They keep you just warm enough to no longer be cold, but aren't effective enough for you to be flat out warm. You are tepid. Something in between.
The unfortunate/fortunate thing about life's lessons is you have to keep living to get to them, through them, and eventually the point of them.
What I'm experiencing now is cold hard reality. Wow, that seems unromantic/unexciting, but it's actually quite the contrary. Discussions about a future? Having them. With plan and timeline. Discussions about moving? There's an outline in place. Discussions about jobs? Covered.
Insert eye roll
But....
The difference?
The difference.....The feeling that you get as you are approaching the first drop on a roller coaster. The feeling that you get when you go on a date with someone that you have secretly been in love with for forever. Your first day at a new job that you actually care about. Writing a check for the down payment on your first home.
Taking a hypothetical thing, a dream, a want, an intangible and placing into the realm of reality..there is a feeling, a gasp, a quickened heart rate, a prayer on your lips, tightness in your throat, 4&5 letter words. There is a proverbial "oh sh*t" moment that happens when you realize that you aren't working with what could happen and you're actually actively establishing a plan/framework for what will happen.
Step Back....
As usual. I'm reading and re-reading my garbled mess with more skepticism than most people are capable of, so yes, certainty isn't in the plan/process, but solely in the occurrence.
Touche...
I'll give you that.
I'll file what's happening in my life right now away as a work-in-progress. But I want you to know. Something's happening and I'm free-falling towards it.
Check It Off
My whirlwind weekend of DC--> Charlotte--> DC was amazing, but I'm exhausted. Charlotte was actually incredibly enjoyable especially considering we did a whole lot of nothing. It was one of those trips where we tried a slew of restaurants and lounged around.
I had an absolute blast! I love the calmness of Charlotte and can't wait to do a return trip.
Also, equally important about the trip was introducing LC to the Smiths as a collective. LC and podmate met some time ago, but introducing her Hubs to LC was definitely a point of apprehension.
Thankfully, that meeting went well and I've checked it off of my "to-do" list.
Why apprehension? Having introduced my last two boyfriends to my nearest and dearest only to have them eventually become exes has proven problematic and frankly quite messy. In both instances my then b/fs got quite close to the guys that are in my life by proxy (my sister's fiancee and my bestie's husband).
Case in point, Sweets was definitely in my sis's bridal party. Then we weren't an "item." Ash's fiancee couldn't get ahold of Sweets. Then he wasn't in the party etc. etc. like I said....messy.
Nevertheless I suppose it's a necessary evil. We'll see how the rest of the meet and greets play out. Next up: the families.
I had an absolute blast! I love the calmness of Charlotte and can't wait to do a return trip.
Also, equally important about the trip was introducing LC to the Smiths as a collective. LC and podmate met some time ago, but introducing her Hubs to LC was definitely a point of apprehension.
Thankfully, that meeting went well and I've checked it off of my "to-do" list.
Why apprehension? Having introduced my last two boyfriends to my nearest and dearest only to have them eventually become exes has proven problematic and frankly quite messy. In both instances my then b/fs got quite close to the guys that are in my life by proxy (my sister's fiancee and my bestie's husband).
Case in point, Sweets was definitely in my sis's bridal party. Then we weren't an "item." Ash's fiancee couldn't get ahold of Sweets. Then he wasn't in the party etc. etc. like I said....messy.
Nevertheless I suppose it's a necessary evil. We'll see how the rest of the meet and greets play out. Next up: the families.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Really?
1. I moved to NYC from S. Fla only to experience one of the hottest, most humid summers on record.
2. Speaking of summer, I moved to NYC from S. Fla only to wake up and see a major storm heading my way. I thought I left hurricane season behind!
3. Speaking of said hurricane, LC and I planned to drive from DC to North Carolina for the holiday weekend. The Smiths are meeting us there from Atlanta....The hurricane is moving from North Carolina and may impact the DMV. (sigh!!!!!!!!!!!)
4. Speaking of the DMV, I have no idea what will happen weather wise over the next 24 hours, but I'm most assuredly leaving the city THIS AFTERNOON and heading to DC. Whether or not the road trip happens, remains to be seen, but Dani is ready for a vacay.
5. Earl I hate you. Tis all.
2. Speaking of summer, I moved to NYC from S. Fla only to wake up and see a major storm heading my way. I thought I left hurricane season behind!
3. Speaking of said hurricane, LC and I planned to drive from DC to North Carolina for the holiday weekend. The Smiths are meeting us there from Atlanta....The hurricane is moving from North Carolina and may impact the DMV. (sigh!!!!!!!!!!!)
4. Speaking of the DMV, I have no idea what will happen weather wise over the next 24 hours, but I'm most assuredly leaving the city THIS AFTERNOON and heading to DC. Whether or not the road trip happens, remains to be seen, but Dani is ready for a vacay.
5. Earl I hate you. Tis all.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Yes and No
My new position is hard to classify. It's a step down when compared to job #1, a lateral move of sorts compared to job #2, and a step up from job #3.
The problem is once you've had some management experience it's hard to go back to anything that isn't a management role. Even if that means something bigger down the line.
Actually, let me clarify. My role isn't clearly defined and the new head of my department comes from a structure that allowed her a flock of assistants.
Now, she has no assistant.
So there are times when she asks me to help her (read: do for her) with assistant-esque tasks and you can imagine the raised eyebrow that I have when I'm looking at her looking me looking at her.
The "problem" that I referred to earlier is finding the line in which I can say "no" to somethings and not prevent her from saying "yes" when it comes time for me to move...up. I do not want to be self-righteous, but I don't want to downplay my capabilities.
Also, I need to make sure that I'm not thinking with my dani-tude.
Starting over is such a learning experience.
The problem is once you've had some management experience it's hard to go back to anything that isn't a management role. Even if that means something bigger down the line.
Actually, let me clarify. My role isn't clearly defined and the new head of my department comes from a structure that allowed her a flock of assistants.
Now, she has no assistant.
So there are times when she asks me to help her (read: do for her) with assistant-esque tasks and you can imagine the raised eyebrow that I have when I'm looking at her looking me looking at her.
The "problem" that I referred to earlier is finding the line in which I can say "no" to somethings and not prevent her from saying "yes" when it comes time for me to move...up. I do not want to be self-righteous, but I don't want to downplay my capabilities.
Also, I need to make sure that I'm not thinking with my dani-tude.
Starting over is such a learning experience.
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