Food Wars

No one in my office eats. Ok let me not tell that story. They all eat....just conservatively.

Counting every morsel, every grain. It's bland and let's just not talk about the fact that I don't see much over a size 4 in here. At all. As I glance at them over my Chip.otle.bowl I'm perplexed as to how they have that type of discipline.

More importantly, I wonder how they see me?

To me, they appear childlike. It's almost like having any differentiation in body size/shape from when they were in middle school is completely inappropriate. No....I find it inappropriate to not have any curves anywhere.

I like to think of the female body like a pinball machine. There should be some curves involved. Something....anything.

No back meat? No side meat? You lean on a wall and the small of your back is supported? Your left thigh doesn't know your right thigh? You can go bra-less and belt-less? When you walk your switch doesn't have theme music? You don't own baby powder to keep the heat from wreaking havoc on your touching parts?

Really? Hmmm.....I'm really actually intrigued about how this works from the male perspective. If you like your women petite and waif-like does my side meat gross you out?

Vice versa.... if my aversion to shorts, for fear that I'll start some sort of friction fireball, turns you on does that mean that the waifs make you gag?

Can you lead a fulfilling life eating oats for breakfast, salad for lunch, and fish and sprigs for dinner? Am I the one with the skewed perspective?

Just wondering.

Happy

Today's LC's birthday and he's making his inaugural visit to casa de dani.

So excited!

Pardon me while I do a bit of living and a little less blogging. Have a great end of the week!

Ramblings: When He's Away....

There are very few perks in a long-distance relationship....


With the exception of one....You get what I like to call maintenance passes. There are times when LC has to travel a lot. On top of the distance that we already deal with on a regular basis there are times when he has to venture out to foreign lands (like the West Coast) for a week or two at a time.

I take those times as a maintenance pass.

I don't trim a hedge/mow a lawn. Hell, I might not even lotion. Wardrobe sassiness? But why?

Case in point, we spent three weeks apart recently. In that time my feet and hands looked like Hiroshima. My brow lady forgot who I was. My hair...ok lets not get crazy....my hair was as usual. Makeup? Cracked that bag open only once. In essence, I relived winter in my undergrad years** but in the dead of July.

Let's get one thing straight. I don't do the maintenance because he requests it of me, I do it as a courtesy. I make a concerted effort to be mindful of my appearance because at the end of the day who wants a "foot-dragger"?

However, when he's away.....

I do nothing :)

**Winters in DC usually required an additional layer of clothing. I usually didn't even attempt to shave a leg. With tights and pants on no one was going to notice....score!

Open The Window

Do you remember the runaway bride story that had the country amused and intrigued a few years back? (the liberal in me balked at using a faux.news link, but I'm running short on time--forgive me).

While many were appalled by her actions/reasons, I remembered watching her story and understanding what she was feeling. It was at that moment that my bestest promised that when the time came, he would close all of the windows and help (read: push) me down the aisle.

Today as I chatted all things wedding-related with my podmate, I don't have the same body-numbing terror when it comes to getting married/staying married.

I guess that happens when you stop trying to marry someone you should be running from.

48 Hours

Two bowls

Two plates

One pillow

That's what you buy when you move quickly and on a mean budget. I've been here less than 2 months and with several trips to DC, a week in Maine, and a weekend at home under my belt....yea....I'm pretty content with my 2:2:1 lineup. Well, I was...until now.

Lets get to business, in 48 hours I will be useless to the world.

Why?

Because LC is coming to visit me for the first time and I'm above and beyond excited!

Hmm....BUT as he is my very first visitor (my mom will be up 2 weeks after his visit and then the floodgates will open) there is much to do to transition my solo pad into a visitor-friendly pad.

First up....buy more pillows.

#Truthis

Wow I'm tired of writing, erasing, re-writing, and re-erasing this post. It's been going on for about a year. Being completely honest is rather hard for me....Lets see if this one actually makes it.

#truthis I have not made it to church since I left FL and I feel horrible about it.

#truthis I should have completely checked out three years ago. I needed to take a one-person vacation and completely unplug. I didn't and I'm still paying for it.

#truthis I'm on a marriage mission and I'm unapologetic about it.

#truthis Mission may be accomplished...2012/2013 perhaps?

#truthis I'll be shocked if I'm still in NYC in three years.

#truthis I've got to get serious about getting healthy (read: smaller).

#truthis breaking up with my 10-yr boyfriend crushed me. Breaking up with the two-year one....not so much. Ironically, the latter meant more to me in the end.

#truthis July 29 will mark the first time in over 5-years that Job 1 will no longer be Job 1. Letting go is harder than I thought.

#truthis going home was miserable....I love the people, but hate the place (read: memories). It will always be home in spirit, I don't ever want it to be my actual home again.

#truthis I'm always tired. No really. Always.

#truthis having phase one of my furniture delivered yesterday was probably one of my happiest moments in recent history.

#truthis I've lowered my standards twice to accommodate the shortcomings of the men that I've dated.

#truthis It feels like I've grown more in the last three months than I have in the last 6 years.

Game Time

I'm not saying that I've never been happy.

I'm not saying I've never had professional success.

I'm not saying that I've never been in love.

I'm not saying that I've never been fulfilled/challenged.

I'm not saying that I've never felt good, or even great in a relationship.

I'm not saying that I've only made job moves as opposed to career moves.

I'm not saying that I've never felt like I was working on a forever plan as opposed to a right now plan.

What I AM saying is....

Practice was fun, but playing in the real game is better.

MOH Chronicles: Dusty

I'm heading home today for my sis's engagement party. I've been a horrendous MOH over the last 2 months. Once my life turned on a tilt, I didn't have the wherewithal to focus/plan properly. I will finally have 99% of the Maids in one place so hopefully we can chat and get some definites down regarding the quickly approaching bridal shower and bachelorrette party.

Oh...and I'll pick up my dress this weekend too. I kind of guessed the size/never got measured soooo.......(sigh).....yea I'll keep you all posted on how this shakes out.

Added bonus? I'll get to see Brew (and my hair stylist***Praise break***)!!!

All In

I am a pragmatist. The libra in me likes order and balance. I don't have many ridiculous stories, horrendously painful impulse shopping moments, or anything else that would raise a red flag--with one exception--anything concerning my heart.

My exes can complain about a lot of things, but what they can't ever complain about is where I choose to put my money/time when it involved them. Brew and others have often talked me down from some pretty extensive gift giving ideas/purchases only for me to make them anyway. I can't help it. When it involves feeling over thinking the purchase is going to be justifiable 99.9% of the time.

I wish that I could be slightly more selfish and a bit more discerning. However, I'm holding on to the belief that the person I'm supposed to be with will A) either inspire me to fall back or B) Meet me at the point of my madness.

Who Knew....

Let me tell you a story about 2001.....

I was in my dorm spending time with my suitemate and her roommate. Now for the life of me I can't even tell you her roommates last name right now, but at that time she was "my girl" by proxy and she came to us with an interesting problem.

She had met a guy that she was interested in, but she was too nervous to go over to his apartment by herself. I actually think she was also afraid of the dark(sigh). Nevertheless, my suitemate and I had an interesting night of nothing lined up so we volunteered to go with her.


I remember the sweats I threw on for the trip over. I remember feeling no pressure because this was totally not about me. I was there for my own sheer amusement...to watch what I knew... would be an awkward encounter.

We got to his place and that's where the story got interesting. Not only did we meet the guy she was interested in, but we met his roommate, Latham. Let's call him L.C. for short.

There were a few things determined that night. My suitemate ended up not getting along with either guy. Her roommate and the guy that she was nervous to spend time with clearly weren't meant for each other. The last thing that was determined was that L.C. and I managed to leave an impression on each other.


We went out a few times throughout undergrad, remained good friends post grad, and always at the core there was always an inexplicable bit of intrigue that was sparked the night we met. Unfortunately, I never thought that we could transition what was seemingly a good friendship into a relationship. More accurately, I just didn't think I was the type of woman he wanted to date.

Nine years later....

I realize now that I had spent the last nine years trying to find someone who was as close to L.C. as possible.

The reality was that the time that we spent together subconsciously shaped my dating expectations. As well, the time that we spent together made up some of my best HU memories.

I'm not overstating.

I know. I said I didn't think I was the type of woman that he wanted to date. He was, however, the type of man that I was looking for.

Here's what I needed: Someone who I could have a great time with, someone who wasn't hesitant to call me out my foolishness, someone who was willing to not only read every word I had ever (no seriously...EVER) written, but also to critique it and most importantly someone who was willing and able to treat me like I was the most important person (short of their mother) they had ever come across.

Pretty big shoes to fill....right?

Wrong.

I finally found what I was looking for.

I just had to stop trying to find a substitute.

P.S. Apparently I was exactly the type of woman he was looking for....who knew?

Oblivious

It wasn't until I was posting an article about the anticipated heat wave that I realized I was living in the city that was supposed to be feeling 100+ degrees today. I swear for someone who A) doesn't like slow people and B) prides herself on a modicum of intelligence I can be completely oblivious to things.

This morning I stumbled on some pics of me and my ex and it gave me cause to think. I've always heard and used the phrase: "A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime." I hadn't truly experienced it until now. Pause. I hadn't realized that I was experiencing it, until now.

Gem

"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do."

We (my ex and I) met at a point when we were both looking for the intangibles that made getting from point A to point B, in life, less arduous. We found those things in each other, until life got in the way and those intangibles were no longer enough.

Putting 100% into someone to get them ready for someone else is a bitter pill to swallow, but it's life and unavoidable. Does that make it any less difficult to move on? No, but there is small comfort in knowing that everyone will be better for it down the road.

I was oblivious to the fact that something could feel that right and just be for a season. I figured there would be some sort of "season only" clues that would jump out at me along the way. Maybe there were some and I missed them. Maybe not.

However, I'm not so oblivious that I missed out on what I learned, gained, lost, and found. I'm thankful for the "reasons" and "seasons" that I've had thus far. I think I'm starting to see the foundation coming together for a "lifetime." Thankfully, I'm not oblivious to that.