One more....

In less than 12 hours I will have a meeting (the last of 3) that could drastically change everything for me....in a great way.

Prayer is the only thing keeping me sane......I'll keep you posted.

Am I Wrong?

1. I don't want to be Sweet's colleague and/or boss. I just want to be his other half. The work/life overlap is stressful.

2. Saw this on twit.ter yesterday: "Being cute is an accident. Being intelligent is a choice." To that I say abso-damn-lutely. I hate slow people. Don't even bring that mess around me.

3. Sometimes I feel like cooking. It's enjoyable and yummy. The other 99.95% of the time I want to eat out. One of my life goals is to be able to continue making enough money to keep that practice going.

4. I've paused my MOH duties for the next month. I need to figure out where my life is going first. I can't plan showers and figure out my own life things simultaneously. Sue me.

Ramblings

1. I'm really giving until I feel like you're not trying hard enough. Then I get selfish and start to cut you off.

2. I will not go to my ten-year reunion if I don't have something more profound to report about myself than what I've got going on at this very second.

3. With every passing month I want less and less of a grand wedding. If I wait another two years I'll be wearing jeans and a tank. Menu? Chipotle.

4. My body does not respond well to shrimp and crab. Yesterday's menu? Shrimp & crab guac, shrimp and crab enchiladas and tacos.....umm....

5. I need a vacation filled with lots of sun and no technology. Ok wait....an I.pod and that's it.

6. My mom is up for a major nurse of the year award. I really wanted to be in Vegas that weekend. I tried to suggest that Brew stand in for me at her award ceremony.....I guess I'll shoot for Vegas next yr.

7. If you tweet or text in all caps I won't read it. I hope that Jesus doesn't call for me in all caps. I'll miss it.

8. I cannot justify paying more than half of the purchasing price of an item to ship it overnight. A.nn Ta.ylor Lo.ft I'm talking to you. Dress $69.99 Two-day shipping $37 GTFOH! Conversely, the fact that ground shipping takes 7-10 business days is positively absurd. It's 2010. If I order something on Monday lets get that to me by Friday. Thanks.

9. This has been the most uneventful Lenten season of my life. I accomplished nothing over the 40 days. Not sure what is going on with me these days.

10. Still no word on the "wonderful opportunity" front. I'll keep you posted.

Hope

When you are struggling to figure your life out, hope can take you pretty far. I'm thankful that I have the hope of something better.

Tired

My room is a tiny space with way too much going on. I go into these fits in which I throw everything short of the bed away. Yet the crap still piles up.

I'm exhausted today because for hours, yesterday, I purged (and sneezed) in an attempt to pare down the foolishness.

I'm sure I have hours of work left.

Do I really need to keep the invite from jr. Prom? (I don't even know where the pics are)

Do I need the program from my high school graduation? (Really wish I knew where my diploma was)

Do I need the ibook from '03 that I can't charge to power up?

How abt the power cord for the '06 macbook pro (that I spilled coffee on and ruined?)

How abt '05, '08 ipods that don't work?

How much of a gap in wear must you have before you toss shoes? Months? Years?

Why do I have to keep paystubs? Why have I signed up for paperless billing, yet I have a pile of the bills on my desk?

Ugh! I'd like to toss everything and start over!!!!

And it just hit me....my bins of undergrad crap are waiting for me in a storage unit.....(Le sigh)

Humility

I will be the first to admit that I don't always turn to prayer first to get through situations. I've caught myself trying to work things out on my own laurels, going through hoops, stressing, etc.

At some point I will hear a voice tell me to stop, find my humility, and lay my issue down in front of God and most importantly to get out of the way.

Well today I'd just like to share that I started listening to myself a few weeks back and took what seemed like an impossible feat and prayed it up.

I didn't try to make this happen on my own, I have instead been all over the Jesus hotline asking for his favor. I hope he has an unlimited data plan because he's heard from me in ways I don't think even he knew was possible.

I'm giddy in anticipation of what is to come. Just know that however this blessing shakes out I will be back to post a "thank you."

I often forget that faith is a journey and not a destination. Sometimes my journey has a detour, but I'm happy to be on track and heading in the right direction.

This Time

I will not repeat my mistakes in life and love. I will not repeat my mistakes in life and love. I will not repeat my mistakes in life and love......

Life and Love are in turmoil right now. This is the week that everything will come to a head.

Work has been as much of a nightmare as I transition out as it was while I was fully vested. Meanwhile, it's round two of evaluations for my newest venture.

I have to firmly sever things with job 1 @ the end of the 2-week period.

Have you ever just let something linger instead of making a clean cut and walking away immediately?

I will not repeat my mistakes in life and love.....

Love is....

Sweets and I are trying to find a middle ground that can accommodate personal time and professional growth.

So far the 'middle ground' has alluded us.

Ever meet your 'perfect person' at the wrong time?

Yea.....it's something like that. How in the hell did I get back here?

I will not repeat my mistakes in life and love......

This time has to be different.

It's funny how one conversation can ruin an entire day. It's funny how one chance comment can change your entire outlook. It's funny how time solves so many issues.

No, I guess it's not really funny. It's just how life works.

Scared In A Good Way

You ask for change...
Want it from the depths of your soul...
Know that you can handle it...

So why is the first step so scary?

I'm terrified, in a good way, of the possibility of completely starting over. Don't get me wrong...I'm not getting in my own way and I will take whatever opportunities may come, but I'd be lying if I didn't feel like it's the first day of school(to the nth power).

Yes voice in my head, I hear you. Thank you for always chiming in with the: "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"

I guess I wouldn't be me.

Line In The Sand....

Remember when everyone was just dating? Think about your closest friends and dating in high school. The playing field was level. You were either 'talking', 'dating', or 'single.'

Now there are engagements, marriages, and kids in the mix and the dynamics are changing. I'm trying to figure out when that change occurs.

At what point does someone who's 'just dating' stop having valid advice for someone who's 'engaged'? At what point does inviting your girl out and about, translate into an implied invite of her significant other? At what point do you take your other half into consideration when life planning?

Is it at the 2.5 year mark of dating? Is it at the presence of a ring? Is it at the point that the date is set? Is it at the point of 'I Do'? Is it when the minivan rolls out?

Just wondering.

Ramblings

1. Today I told job 1 I was resigning, we're working out the best way for me to phase out without disrupting the team.

2. Ironically, today is the first time in months that I'm only working one job....job 1 that is. There are definitely some things that I will miss. More on this later.

3. I've put the ipad in my shopping cart thrice in the last few days. Then I remember that I'm waiting for it to have a front-facing camera and I put it back. I hate this whole patience thing.

4. I've been cramming in heroes one season at a time. Now I leave an episode cued up so I can watch it when I get home. Season 3 here I come. LOVE IT....but only on DVD.

5. In other news, I stumbled on a job opportunity and my boss is helping me to get my foot in the door. I actually want it so badly that I haven't been talking about it. The downside? Hello looonng distance relationship. But it would be a completely new city, completely new undertaking....so we shall see.

6. I bought my first driver......I have no idea what took me so long. Won't make that mistake again. Love them!

7. I'm having an internal battle over paying off a credit card or buying a new computer. I really, really want the computer. I know which one I should do.....I hate adulthood!

8. This color is making my latest mani and pedi a source of absolute joy. Why pray-tell is amazon charging more for the color (with shipping) than I paid for my mani?

Still Smoking

4:30am
Alarm chimed

5:00am
Woke up, logged in,
Went back to sleep

6:00am
Began working

7:00am
Hopped in the shower

7:30am
Stopped working, started paperwork

8:38am
Looked at the clock, Looked down at my bathrobe, screamed like a bish, did a Trinity (from "The Matrix") back-flip sequence to my closet.

8:45am
Threw on a dress that called for tights, didn't even look for the tights, gold ballet flats, a headband, and 1/2 too small draws (it's that kind of morning: undies for anyone confused)....grabbed my purse, computer bag, job 2 work clothes (read: balled that ish up like christmas morning wrapping paper and stuffed in my computer bag), stuffed my open makeup bag in my purse and RAN OUT THE DOOR.

8:49am
Started the car, realized I didn't have my phone.

8:49:48am
Ran back in the house, grabbed my phone, ran back to the car

8:50am
Cut off a semi and careened around 6 fed-ex trucks (processing center is just past my house)

8:54am
First red light, forcing myself to breathe

8:55am
Light rain stops, Monsoon resumes

8:56am
Realized I've been late every day this week. Realized I can't see the street thanks to the rain.

8:58
Got on the highway and make that 15 minute drive my bish

9:04
Exited the highway

9:06
Threw my car across 1.5 parking spaces and hot step it across the parking lot. My passenger seat? It was laden with job 2's outfit, computer cord(did I grab my computer???No really?), Book of Common prayer, tissue box, lint brush, Store keys for job 2, notes from this morning, MOH to-do lists, and 3 pairs of shoes worn throughout the week.

9:08
Signed in at security desk and put 9:05 as my time in.

9:11
Tried to catch my breath. Realized I'm clutching my earrings in my hand, glance at the ashen legs that are splotchy thanks to the rain, glance in the bottom of my purse and see my angled eyeliner brush, spare bberry battery, krazy glue, 2 bottles of water, necklace from yesterday, resume, unopened yogurt (from yesterday), and chapstick are chilling together....

9:12am
Made a mental note to get some bigger draws before job 2 starts.

Good Morning!

LAWD

1. I am wearing 6 different browns in such a way that they don't coordinate. I figured that out after I got to work.

2. I'm still amazed that I had a complete convo with Sweets and I remember none of it. I was totally unconscious. If I hadn't checked my call log I would've thought he was playing a joke on me.

3. I looked at my reflection walking in and saw Michelle Duggar/Kate Gosselin/(in need of) Stacy London looking back at me.

4. Took a Benadryl when I got in my car last night, so that I would be near comatose when I got home from work...worked like a charm.

5. Without TSA/FAA breathing down my neck I can't pack lightly (visions of opening the trunk and putting my closet in there are dancing in my mind).

6. Walked into enterprise and it reminded me of my ex. He left some things to be desired, but he always had a mean "hook-up." (He's worked @ movie theatre, electronics store, car rental, hotels, clubs)

7. I've spent the last hour of work typing on my phone: blogs, tweets, to-do lists, texts, bbms.....no wonder I no longer have internet access.

8. My minister asked me to do a letter of recommendation for him. "Fascade-Dani" must be amazing! I don't even really like him.

9. It was cold enough this morning for me to do a "am I wearing enough layers" check for the trip this weekend. I love the fact that the one year I actually invest in tons of coats it is actually cold enough to wear them :)

10. ATL I missed you last month, see you tomorrow :)