Anywho I'm in the nail shop and there are several levels of hilarity happening. The Jamaican part will play a role shortly.....
So...My nail lady's name is Loan (Low-en). She is meticulous. Your situation will be better than you've ever seen it. She will find some knee pads, night goggles, and a grappling hook and will attack your feet until you are back to being on the right side of the social spectrum. She seems like the type that didn't talk much in school, but knew everyone's business because she's a watcher.
This chick is good...but she takes forever. I mean ooooo do not try to 'run over on your lunch break.' Nope, won't work. You better clear your whole schedule. Eat first, etc.
Ok no, I'm not talking hours per se....but it just drags on. Sooooo.....I'm here getting my eternal pedi and in comes a woman...she clearly typed Jesus' birth certificate(she's that old). Actually, in comes...would be a misstatement. A woman is wheeled in by her nurse. I didn't have to stare at the nurse...or even need her to open her mouth...I knew EXACTLY where she was from....the glorious JA!
So...apparently the older lady is a regular. She is old....I mean the type of old where you can't really eat around her because she smells old(and it makes my tummy turn) and has older people oldness oozing from her. Ok I digress!
The older lady has an appointment to get a pedicure. She is in the seat right next to me. I'm trying to blog and not look at her because it just looks like she's going to die any minute. And/Or it looks like a complete liability to wheel her in a chair and get her into a pedi chair.
So the nurse is moving her into position. Talking to her softly to her face. Talking about her in patois behind her back.
Dani loves a good laugh and where humor is concerned there is little room for tact. So I'm dying...rolling laughing because this woman is steady talking about how much she hates old white people all the while she is giving "the california raisin, dusty looking old woman" the kindest and gentlest care.
The nurse soon realized that I knew exactly what she was saying...did that stop her? Nope. Also, she was on the phone using a bluetooth headset. Neither the old woman nor her husband realized that the nurse was on the phone. They would occasionally think she was talking to them....was she? NOPE.
Anywho so Mother time put her foot into the pedi bowl and let out one yelp. Let me explain to you the caliber of this yelp. This was the yelp my sister would have whenever my mom used one of her classic lines like, "come here let me beat you." It was the type of yelp that scared my curls straight. It was the type of yelp I'd imagine that you'd have when your significant other tells you they want to include 'obey' in your wedding vows. Possibly the type of yelp you'd have if you realized that the girl you were talking to used to be a man.
That type of yelp.
My heart stopped. I damned near dropped my computer. The nail shop went silent. All you hear from stenographer of the book of Genesis was, "I want to put my right foot in first."
For real? That's why you yelped?
Sigh....
Anywho, I realized that the nail shop owners have a hilarious habit of telling everyone that walks in that they have a 5 minute wait. It doesn't matter if there are 20,000 people in the shop...your wait? 5 minutes.
So there were 4 people waiting to get a service done. This man walks in and asks how long it will take to have someone get to his pedicure...the answer??? You guessed it....5 minutes.
So he sits down....15 minutes later a lady walks in...."How quickly can I see someone abt a manicure..." Nail Lady says???? Yep 5 minutes. People sit down and take it. It's as though, saying 5 minutes, releases a magic elixir that wipes your memory clean.
Oh and if you say that 5 minutes is too long....they will seat you at a pedi chair and put your feet to soak in water. You are less likely to leave once your feet are already wet and the massage chair has started its run.
Sigh....gotta love the nail adventures.
No comments:
Post a Comment