Third Tier of Hell

[Disclaimer: I'm laughing while typing this, so laugh when you read it and don't think that I've completely lost my mind. I'm fine.]

There are posts that I think about, but don't type because I don't really need an express pass to hell. There are posts that I type, that ensure that there will be some delay/review time outside the gates of heaven. Then there is this post.....(sigh).

Its a rant...and its wrong...and I can't help it. Here we go....

I don't want to share my Jesus. Point blank. What???? you ask. Huh??? Let me explain. In actuality...I don't want to share my church.

Forever ago, I pushed/prodded/encouraged my ex and his family to join my church. They didn't have one and I was literally born into mine. Its a strong Caribbean foundation etc. I thought it would be a perfect fit. Well the ex didn't really bite, but his mom and sister seemed to enjoy it.

To clarify: For me, its less important that you are a part of MY church, but its incredibly important that you have some sort of spiritual foundation of your own. If you find it at Temple, the Mosque, Christian Reading Center, Church wherever just have a base in something deeper than yourself.

Ok...sooo as you all know, the relationship dissolved. Hmm.....that's the wrong choice of words because that implies a process. Let me restate: the relationship ceased. Now....here comes the tricky part. Because the ex's family took to the church and began to work closely with several ministries we have a 'church relationship' and tackle several projects together.

Fast forward to present day.

So in their mind I am the heartless heifer that broke their son's/brother's heart. Ok...I'll own that. On top of that, I'm an unapologetically happy, heartless heifer (with a sexycus of a Sweets to boot).

This is where things get tricky. You see, the church has gotten used to pairing me up with the ex's family members on various committees. So our work together has become a balancing act of sorts. Now they've put together that I'm dating someone new...but because our(the ex's family & me) surface act is so lovely, they (church folk)are of the impression that things are'right as rain.'

Hmmm...not so much. Are you familiar with leprosy? Yes....biblical. Locusts? Hmmm...

Let me give you examples. The ex's sister was confirmed earlier in the yr. Her whole family came. Now she usually sits in the pew directly in front of my family(every Sunday). Any time her family had ever come to church(pre-breakup), that is where they sat. However, for this venture they sat on the opposite end of the church--think Atlantic and Pacific Ocean--and did not come anywhere near my family.

Christmas Eve service--Ex's mom came to get her midnight Mass on and so during the peace when you normally greet everyone it was the iciest faux greeting ever known to man---think I'm exaggerating? I used to call her out on it when I saw her doing it to her colleagues and we'd laugh about how I'd caught her in the act....now I'm on the receiving end of the act. Oh and before the last note of the last song had played she was out....not like I'm walking out quickly...but more so a elfin sprinkle of magic and poof she disappeared. I've never in all of my days seen anyone move so quickly.

Sushi night--My ex's sister and my ex's cousin/best friend walked into a restaurant for happy hour last Friday and spotted me at a table with Brew, Ana, and Sweets. The best friend came over for an awkward 'hi' then vanished. While the sister did an about face and scurried outside....I'm assuming to head off my ex.

Adult Bible Study Meeting--Ex's sister and her best friend (also a new member of the church) and I (Ana was out of town) met about the direction we wanted to take the ministry. Then the two of them broke into a side convo about where they wanted to go to dinner(previously something I would have been a part of). Pointedly talking around/over me....Ummmm.....Hello...I'm still sitting here!

Ugh......its been 9 months....can this process pls come to an end....Anywho, let me focus. The matter at hand is.....HE'S MY JESUS. I shared my church because I thought we had something forever-esque. We didn't. So leave. I don't like that my Sweets feels like he's playing Russian Roulette every Sunday (will they be there, won't they be there, will they speak, won't they speak). Stop volunteering for committees and forcing me to review your qualifications for various tasks. Stop putting me in positions where I have to speak to whether or not you'd be a good fit for certain tasks....we don't talk anymore, but I can't tell people that....ugh!!!!!! OK yes...I know what you're thinking. My heart is in the wrong place, I'm focusing on the wrong things. I agree. But HE'S MY JESUS and I don't want to share. You don't get to get my church in the 'divorce settlement.'

That is all.


[Further Disclaimer: They are really quite nice people and I don't actually want them to leave the church...this is just my tantrum of sorts that stems from the messiness of this break up. Besides, the post made me smile.]