[Disclaimer: Explicit content to follow]
I don't often get angry. I'm blessed (or cursed) with the ability to talk myself down from rage. The resulting feeling is smoldering angst that attacks the pit of my stomach and the bottom of my throat. It's like heartburn, but without the antacid quick fix.
I have heartburn this morning. Well lets not talk in circles. I'm agitated. It's totally illogical, but a 100% genuine feeling.
What happened?
Ugh...my mother was right. Today she wanted clarity on 'twitter' vs. 'blogging' vs. 'face.book.' Once we went back and forth about the three things, she declared, "The scary thing about being that connected is that nothing is ever personal. Your entire life and your emotions play out over the internet for all to interpret."
My response: "Your life is up for interpretation anyway, so you might as well influence/control what is being posted about you."
So as I'm making my rounds on Sweets' blog this morning I realize that a post he'd worked on last night was no longer up. Now...the post plainly praised all that was well with the intimacy in our relationship. He'd worked really hard on it and it made me smile.
Yes there were bits in there about...hold on let me quote it directly....
"Time to go to work! I am experiencing the most dreamy, joyful, indulgent, euphoric, passionate, beautiful, gratifying, enchanting, heavenly, sensual, expressive, toe-curling, thumb-sucking, fulfilling, erotic sex EVER! She takes me to ecstasy and back EVERY time and I love it!
I don't want you all to be "jelly", but basically I just felt compelled to announce and quote the beautiful Sanaa Lathan in Brown Sugar...
She gives it to me on a regular basis... And the Shit is THE BOMB!
Don't hate."
Unfortunately, at times I can be too prude to be that plain (thanks mom), but I can appreciate his forthrightness. I assume that everyone here (in my blogosphere) is an adult. Content that is too...hmm...forthright can catch you off guard, but its not like saying 'Santa's dead' to a 6-year-old. You in the blogosphere can handle it.
So as I sent a twitter message out before I went to sleep that said that I was pleased with the post but had reservations.
By morning the post was gone. In its place was a post about hating to have to 'hold back.'
Courtesy of the internet we had an entire disagreement...while I was asleep. Had I not careful checked my goo.gle rea.der this morning, I would have totally missed the entire thing.
My reservations were more gender specific. You see...I hate that, prudishness aside, that my post about 'toe-curling, thumb-sucking intimacy' would/could be interpreted as 'ho-ish' or 'fast'(thanks mom for that one as well).
You're right mom, everything playing out via the internet I guess can't be a good thing. Maybe that's what actually is making me angry...the fact that she's 'right' about something....Hmm..no I refuse to let that happen. My issue is that Sweets felt that he had to limit the way he expressed himself because of me. He doesn't...and now that I've cleared that up in my own mind. I'm off to make it plain to him.
2 comments:
Girl if it is good then it is good. Most people know who you are as a person and if it is random people looking in making judge well who really cares. YOu have so many people that love you there is no need to hold back or feel worried that someone is thinking you fast or a ho. Shoot I want to be like you when I grow up. Like you have said a million times we are a generation of technology and a need to know right now. We open ourselves up so we don't become like our parents (just my thoughts)
One of the worst things I ever did in a relationship was allow someone else's opinion of me influence what I was doing. If you are naturally opposed to having those type of things shared because of your own personal privacy then share that with your man. If your concerned about someone elses opinion of you then look toward Bernie Mac's character in house party 3 for advice "if people don't like you after you be yourself then f**k 'em, f**k 'em up against the wall with handcuffs on and crazy glue on their lips!"
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