When you're a child you see the world differently. Your parents and teachers are not human, they are some special subcategory titled 'adult.' You aren't really sure what 'adult' entails, but throughout the course of your childhood you become captivated with the concept of adulthood. Somewhere in the process you begin to realize and see the humanness in the adults that reared you through your childhood.
That's where this begins.
Ok...So Tuesday's post was a doozy. Yep, I'm sure you remember me posting this not too long ago. So the about-face may have thrown you for a loop.
As the woman living it, I was definitely thrown. But I've taken some time to break it all down and here is the story....the backstory...and where we go from here.
I'm listening to my mother rant for a hour about where I am in my life and where I could be. Effectively, she was disappointed that after 27 years of living, I had yet to actually live. The source of the rant seemed to be tied to her belief that I was apathetic about my situation.
Summary: Went away to school, moved home 5 years ago, started a promising job 4 years ago, have been through hell and back...and a lawsuit, with said job, still in financial uncertainty because of everything with said job. This year the lawsuit was settled and by Summer 2010 will be completely over. Breakdown: I was named in the suit and stood to lose everything I had/didn't have...why? Because I went to work. No seriously....apparently another company thought had some ownership in the company that employs me, so when they sued the company they sued me too....personally. (The suit is public record- I can't really say much more than....google it). Fastwforward, I'm left trying to figure out my next step at this point.
Effectively, her rant was a 'tough love' stance that was supposed to kick-start me into homeownership, pursuing dreams, living life, having something to show for my 27 years on this earth.
Now let me say this....I do not for one moment doubt that my mom said what she said out of love. I do however realize that Moms aren't always right. They are women finding their own way all the while hoping that what they instilled in their children is enough to help them.
The reason I was upset...was the presentation. It wasn't a conversation. A conversation would have revealed that everything that she pointed out was something that I felt, cried about, prayed about, made a decision about, made a resolution about, set new goals about.....effectively, she was 2 months late to the pity party that I had planned, executed, cleaned up after, sent out thank you cards for and moved on from. Mom....seriously....who is happy about living at home? Can I recognize the blessing? Yes! Am I glad that I didn't have any property/posessions when the lawsuit rolled around? Absolutely! Do I realize that it is time to move on? (EMPHATICALLY) YESSSS!!!!
With me, my mom has always waited and watched. She lets her emotions build up and then she releases them if she doesn't see a change. Her timing...always catastrophic. Her intent....always loving. The result....a trainwreck. You know who does the same thing? (Hand Raised) At one point in her rant she said: "You knew I was upset with you." No....actually I didn't. You expected me to read your mind and be ready for this lecture. Wow... how many times have I done the same thing???
She is different with her three kids based on our personalities. With my sister, they talk multiple times in a day. It's truly a friendship there-She (both of them) needs that. With my brother, he's on a tight leash. If she thinks he might possibly be going right she is standing right on his neck, until he goes left-He needs that. With me...our similarities are frightening. Until you take into account my dad. I have just enough of the both of them in me, to personify why they stopped getting along. I smile as I type that. I drive my mother crazy! When she pries in my life, I shut down, until she backs up. When she is indifferent, I chastise her for not caring. We are at our best, when we are apart. When we are together we rarely converse. Not that we don't talk. We just don't talk about the important things.
The lesson....the best thing I've ever learned-but you already knew that.
Getting through life relationships requires a lot of things, but the ability to communicate is paramount. What I've learned through everything has less to do with what she said and more to do with how she said it. Note to self....do better, be different (common theme in this blog).
Oh...one more thing....this is the second time that she's caught me off guard with one of her rants....there won't be a third. I love, appreciate, and cherish my mom, but come 2010 I will be elsewhere living the life I've been working on. Everything leading up to this point has been a piece of a foundation. Time to build up.
Oh...but I decided that 2 months ago, when I stopped to take stock of myself. The plan is in motion. I guess I assumed she'd know that.
3 comments:
Our Moms are something else. I just have to remember that they're from a different era and a different country. That makes all the difference in the world to me.
I ont even know what to say...
I completely understand how you feel these darn caribbean moms and there passively aggressive tones that turn into grenade like tirades. I definitly had that when my mom asked me what I was going to do after college and I had no answer and still kind of dont.
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