The thing is it isn't Christmas morning. I don't have a vacation coming up. I can't think of my favorite restaurant and I don't even have an inkling as to what my favorite dish could be at the moment.
There is something different going on in my life. I don't feel like I'm reaching or compensating, but just that I'm dealing in reality and more so the tangible. I think this is primarily linked to what is going on my relationship. I've spent the past 15 years dealing in relationship hypothesis. What would you do if....How would things be if.....What would you want if.....
The intangible questions and whimsical responses are like an airplane blanket. They keep you just warm enough to no longer be cold, but aren't effective enough for you to be flat out warm. You are tepid. Something in between.
The unfortunate/fortunate thing about life's lessons is you have to keep living to get to them, through them, and eventually the point of them.
What I'm experiencing now is cold hard reality. Wow, that seems unromantic/unexciting, but it's actually quite the contrary. Discussions about a future? Having them. With plan and timeline. Discussions about moving? There's an outline in place. Discussions about jobs? Covered.
Insert eye roll
But....
The difference?
The difference.....The feeling that you get as you are approaching the first drop on a roller coaster. The feeling that you get when you go on a date with someone that you have secretly been in love with for forever. Your first day at a new job that you actually care about. Writing a check for the down payment on your first home.
Taking a hypothetical thing, a dream, a want, an intangible and placing into the realm of reality..there is a feeling, a gasp, a quickened heart rate, a prayer on your lips, tightness in your throat, 4&5 letter words. There is a proverbial "oh sh*t" moment that happens when you realize that you aren't working with what could happen and you're actually actively establishing a plan/framework for what will happen.
Step Back....
As usual. I'm reading and re-reading my garbled mess with more skepticism than most people are capable of, so yes, certainty isn't in the plan/process, but solely in the occurrence.
Touche...
I'll give you that.
I'll file what's happening in my life right now away as a work-in-progress. But I want you to know. Something's happening and I'm free-falling towards it.
4 comments:
This post just made me smile! :o)
I've lurked a minute. Sounds like lurve?
Ow!
what I like about the future is the security is promises.
that sounded like a hypothetical situation but you know what I mean. it sounds like you're finally safe and secure.
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