My alarm went off @ 4 this morning and I realized that I hadn't yet gone to sleep.
Professionally, it feels like my life couldn't be better. Personally, my relationship is going up in flames.
The unvarnished truth is that we don't have time for each other.
Why not give it a break?
I'm a hypocrite. If you were telling me what I'm telling you, I would say to you "If its meant to be it will be."
I do not believe that to be true in my life...in fact my beliefs are more along the lines of "if you want it as much as he wants it, then fight for it. Always. Until someone gives up."
Two years (almost to the day) I was in this predicament with one difference: I had already given up. I couldn't figure out how to break it to him, so we existed in this ignorant grey area for another few weeks, but he was essentially dating the idea of me at that point. The real Dani had checked out.
Two years later I'm annoyed. Having 4-letter word shots, diluted with 5-letter word chasers.
I can't place blame, I can't find conviction in the fact that I hate him(because I don't), I can't even convince myself that I love him less.
I'm not mad at him--in fact if he worked less I'd prob be furious(He deserves the success he's working for). Just like he looked at me sideways when I looked like I was thinking twice abt NYC. We are each other's support. We love each other tremendously we just spend so much time apart that when we're together its like something is lacking. The spark is dimming......
WTF kind of sh*t is that?
My relationship is unraveling due to time apart. The time apart that we've talked about our entire relationship. The time needed to make our then dreams into our now reality.
Time is an unwelcome, one-toothed, club-toed, cool ranch dorito smelling b*tch. F*uck her.
