Madam

First Name: Camel
Last Name: Toe

Madam,

I am displeased to make the acquaintance of your friend Mr. Camel Toe. Just as men tend to wince whenever they witness a "junk punch," I too am unable to sit comfortably at the moment due to the current location of your bike shorts and labium.

I have a few questions for you:

1. When you blink do you feel lycra in/around your eyelids?
2. If you leave fruit wrapped up in the heat it goes bad....has that happened to you/your "parts"?
3. do you think that when ppl stop and pull out their camera phone that you are doing something right?

I understand you were going to the gym and you wanted something comfortable and form fitting. I know what it is like to want the impossible. I go to the gym daily and want to stand next to a machine and have pounds fall off--not going to happen---and I accept that. I do, however, want you to accept that perspiration + friction = increased likelihood of a clothing shift.

I'm sure that you are a good person deep down. Having gotten to know you instantly and intimately, it appears as though you have a high regard for maintenance and I can only assume that transitions into your daily life. Since we are past the point of you pulling your shorts down (and I don't think there is a hook strong enough or a stick long enough---(lol---"stick"---I digress)--to help with the process), I'd like you to follow a few steps.

1. Put on underwear
2. Torch anything that resembles 'bike shorts'
3. Apologize to your...."area"....it's hurting...trust me

I'm really glad we had this chat.

Enjoy the rest of your day.