Eyes Wide Open

I've been avoiding all things to do with my ex. I don't know why exactly....I guess I just didn't want any awkward interactions, I didn't want to feel any longing regarding friends lost....I just didn't want __________(the blanks are an anomaly). In this tiny/big county that can get a bit sticky, but over the last year I've been pretty successful.

Today, I stumbled on his pictures(gasp)...... and I had to smile. I couldn't place anyone or anything in the pics. It was a completely different life and more so a completely different person staring back at me....and I was ok with that.


Whaaa??? (who have I really become? I usually always care--hmm guess not)

The most the picture yielded was my own desire to speed up my departure from the mundanity of my every day and kick start a new career in a new location. Effectively, peace--I've now come to realize--can be found in the most random of places.

I didn't have complete peace about being the "bad guy" and hurting someone I cared about. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't take anything back and I'm happier with Sweets than I've ever been. I think that in my mind peace was something that was tied to forgiveness and forgiveness was never going to happen. Due to a lack of peace, I was avoiding the possibility of coming across anything to do with the ex. I guess because I didn't know what would happen, or not happen. I've been muddled in a path of uncertainty. Why in the world would I give something/someone so much power and why go through the energy to avoid?

Lesson Learned: I am completely capable of granting my own peace. I'll stop the avoidance now, because at this point I have plans for my future that require my attention.