Boring

At my core I'm a boring person.

Personality for days? Yes.

Exciting Life? No.

Do I see a problem with it? Not really.

I enjoy taking walks and getting lost. I love going out to eat and having great conversation. Occasionally, I will deviate from my daily grind.

However, most days consist of commuting to and from work, figuring out dinner, chatting with LC and/or watching some TV and then doing it all over again tomorrow.

Am I boring by choice or by circumstance? A little bit of both I think. Either way. The bigger question is why doesn't my routine seem to bother me more? It's like I feel compelled to have a better story to tell, but lack the actual motivation to do so.

Just One

I could take a step forward and leave a trail of blood on the floor, or I could remain in my crane stance trying to maintain my balance against the cold wall.

SH*T!

I had one foot in the shower and could have avoided this by not being so flighty, but it dawned on me that turning the iron on would make my post-shower process go quicker. The thought of a hot iron, quick "bump" of the front of my dress, and an even quicker exit from my apartment motivated me to take the one foot out of the shower and step into the hall.

It wasn't the instant pain of the first step, but more so the anguish of the second step that let me know instantly that I had indeed not only stepped on glass, but now had it lodged in the bottom of my foot. So now back to my quandry. Any step leads to a trail of blood. Too far away from the shower to just get back in it. No sandals in close view. Too far away from a tissue, toilet paper, cotton square, or gauze to even attempt to triage. More importantly I needed to remove this piece of pain immediately.

SH*T! I thought I cleaned up all of the broken glass from yesterday's ode to clumsiness. (Sigh)

It occurred to me in that moment, wow I really live alone. Yes, it should've occurred to me much earlier...maybe around the first obscene rent check. Or possibly the point at which I purchased 75% of the local target store and then had to figure out how to get it over the bridge, down the street, into the building and up to my apartment. Nope it took what would have been a hilarious scene if I wasn't in pain, for me to really process that I d.marie lived alone.

Let's be honest, I know that if anything serious ever happened I have some great people that can come to my aid, but in that moment what I needed more than anything else, was an extra set of hands. And maybe a robe....hmm....and some iodine.

Living alone has so many amazing advantages. Not having to apologize for my own sloppiness (and even occassional filth), always having total control of my television programming(which 99.9% of the time does not include ESPN), existing on a well-balanced diet of fruit loops and red wine(and enjoying both immensely), decorating (or not...in my case) exactly the way I wanted to....I mean the list is absolutely endless. But the downside to living alone is that when you really need someone else there few things are a comparable substitute.

I now need a new bath mat, but since I'm the only one looking at it that will probably happen later than sooner.

Not The Big Toe, The Whole Foot

I'm chatty. The way that you get on Christmas morning. The way that you get the day before a vacation. The way that you get when your favorite restaurant is featuring your favorite dish and the ambiance is amazing and someone else is paying for it. I'm that kind of chatty and I'm feeling that kind of joy.

The thing is it isn't Christmas morning. I don't have a vacation coming up. I can't think of my favorite restaurant and I don't even have an inkling as to what my favorite dish could be at the moment.

There is something different going on in my life. I don't feel like I'm reaching or compensating, but just that I'm dealing in reality and more so the tangible. I think this is primarily linked to what is going on my relationship. I've spent the past 15 years dealing in relationship hypothesis. What would you do if....How would things be if.....What would you want if.....

The intangible questions and whimsical responses are like an airplane blanket. They keep you just warm enough to no longer be cold, but aren't effective enough for you to be flat out warm. You are tepid. Something in between.

The unfortunate/fortunate thing about life's lessons is you have to keep living to get to them, through them, and eventually the point of them.

What I'm experiencing now is cold hard reality. Wow, that seems unromantic/unexciting, but it's actually quite the contrary. Discussions about a future? Having them. With plan and timeline. Discussions about moving? There's an outline in place. Discussions about jobs? Covered.

Insert eye roll if you've been reading this blog as I've been living it, the above paragraph seems/sounds familiar.

But....

The difference?

The difference.....The feeling that you get as you are approaching the first drop on a roller coaster. The feeling that you get when you go on a date with someone that you have secretly been in love with for forever. Your first day at a new job that you actually care about. Writing a check for the down payment on your first home.

Taking a hypothetical thing, a dream, a want, an intangible and placing into the realm of reality..there is a feeling, a gasp, a quickened heart rate, a prayer on your lips, tightness in your throat, 4&5 letter words. There is a proverbial "oh sh*t" moment that happens when you realize that you aren't working with what could happen and you're actually actively establishing a plan/framework for what will happen.

Step Back....

As usual. I'm reading and re-reading my garbled mess with more skepticism than most people are capable of, so yes, certainty isn't in the plan/process, but solely in the occurrence.

Touche...

I'll give you that.

I'll file what's happening in my life right now away as a work-in-progress. But I want you to know. Something's happening and I'm free-falling towards it.

Check It Off

My whirlwind weekend of DC--> Charlotte--> DC was amazing, but I'm exhausted. Charlotte was actually incredibly enjoyable especially considering we did a whole lot of nothing. It was one of those trips where we tried a slew of restaurants and lounged around.

I had an absolute blast! I love the calmness of Charlotte and can't wait to do a return trip.

Also, equally important about the trip was introducing LC to the Smiths as a collective. LC and podmate met some time ago, but introducing her Hubs to LC was definitely a point of apprehension.


Thankfully, that meeting went well and I've checked it off of my "to-do" list.

Why apprehension? Having introduced my last two boyfriends to my nearest and dearest only to have them eventually become exes has proven problematic and frankly quite messy. In both instances my then b/fs got quite close to the guys that are in my life by proxy (my sister's fiancee and my bestie's husband).

Case in point, Sweets was definitely in my sis's bridal party. Then we weren't an "item." Ash's fiancee couldn't get ahold of Sweets. Then he wasn't in the party etc. etc. like I said....messy.

Nevertheless I suppose it's a necessary evil. We'll see how the rest of the meet and greets play out. Next up: the families.

Really?

1. I moved to NYC from S. Fla only to experience one of the hottest, most humid summers on record.

2. Speaking of summer, I moved to NYC from S. Fla only to wake up and see a major storm heading my way. I thought I left hurricane season behind!

3. Speaking of said hurricane, LC and I planned to drive from DC to North Carolina for the holiday weekend. The Smiths are meeting us there from Atlanta....The hurricane is moving from North Carolina and may impact the DMV. (sigh!!!!!!!!!!!)

4. Speaking of the DMV, I have no idea what will happen weather wise over the next 24 hours, but I'm most assuredly leaving the city THIS AFTERNOON and heading to DC. Whether or not the road trip happens, remains to be seen, but Dani is ready for a vacay.

5. Earl I hate you. Tis all.

Hey Sexy!

Heeeeeeey September....
You sexy month you.
I've been waiting for you!!!!!!

22days2go!

Yes and No

My new position is hard to classify. It's a step down when compared to job #1, a lateral move of sorts compared to job #2, and a step up from job #3.

The problem is once you've had some management experience it's hard to go back to anything that isn't a management role. Even if that means something bigger down the line.

Actually, let me clarify. My role isn't clearly defined and the new head of my department comes from a structure that allowed her a flock of assistants.

Now, she has no assistant.

So there are times when she asks me to help her (read: do for her) with assistant-esque tasks and you can imagine the raised eyebrow that I have when I'm looking at her looking me looking at her.

The "problem" that I referred to earlier is finding the line in which I can say "no" to somethings and not prevent her from saying "yes" when it comes time for me to move...up. I do not want to be self-righteous, but I don't want to downplay my capabilities.

Also, I need to make sure that I'm not thinking with my dani-tude.

Starting over is such a learning experience.