Stay In Your Lane

I'm rather tired of people in the service industry giving me sub par service. I just think that we need to be a wee more selective with job assignments. Everyone can't do everything and thusly, it results in sub parness (yep...made it a noun).

1. Thin servers---those that aren't thin because they supplement food with a smoking habit, but are just naturally thin--- should not create my steak bowl at Chipotle. They consistently dole out the stingiest of portions.

Dani: "Um....can I have more lettuce please?" ((thought) I can clearly see the bowl through the 7 shreds you gave me)
Server: (places 2 more shredded pieces in the bowl)
Dani: ((thought) For $7 stop being so stingy....its not like I'm asking for you to fill my bowl with steak!!!!!!!!!)

2. Along those same lines--Sweets and I have started to look for the chipotle worker that seems most likely to have a fetish for the stickiest of the icky. Without fail, the formula for a tightly wrapped burrito, has been to seek out/request the person with slightly darkened lips and an empty soul, indifference-laced gaze. Added benefit....sticky icky lovers tend to be generous with portions and/or will forget if they already gave you a spoonful of something....so they'll give you two.

3. #2's point also translates over to wrap makers. Although you have to be a bit more discerning with that crew. If your sandwich lady looks as though she accidently put on her child's shoe that morning, someone smeared hot coals over her face and so a smile is impossible, and/or if she looks as though, in the 3 seconds that it took for you to get to her, she already hates you....then just order a sub. Otherwise she will, as one wrap lady did for me, just pile all of the ingredients on top of a wrap casing and then just harshly turn it over once so that is breaks in the middle and becomes a flat bread sandwich.

Sweets and I make it a point to ask for the type of sandwich meat that requires the sandwich lady to walk over to the slicer to get it. That way we can #1 see if her shoes are too tight, #2 flash her a smile to see if she reciprocates, and #3 listen for the "i hate the sh*t out of you" sigh.

4. Finally, if you do not drink coffee or cocktails don't work anywhere that serves either. Any coffee drinker understands how futile it is to put the cream and sugar in the bottom of a cup, pour the coffee on the top and then serve it without stirring it. The woman at McD's had the audacity to pull that stunt this morning and then smile as she handed me what im sure would take like a love child of fertilizer and pigeon drippings ---without a stirrer. When I then asked her for a stirrer she seemed perplexed. Madam.....the added loveliness to accompany my coffee is sitting in the BOTTOM OF THE CUP!!!!!

Likewise, as a bartender if you do not understand these points you may want to reconsider your profession.

a. The proper way to marry a chaser with liquor
b. The quality of the liquor is directly proportional to the amount of the chaser that is needed
c. You can't have low quality liquor and a low quality chaser, with a slightly used lime and think that the drink will be tip worthy.

I'm all for upliftment, I just think that we should be slightly more selective in some areas.