Engagement, Weddings, Engagement, Weddings, Engagement, Weddings, Engagement, Weddings.....Marriage
It's like a light switch went on in the minds of every 24-26 year old in the last 2 years and engagement fever is in full swing. Facebook stalking has become the norm. Bridezilla, Say Yes to the dress, Whose wedding is it anyway? are like CNN, Fox News, and MSNBC to those awaiting their nuptials, a proposal, and/or a significant other.
As the economy worsens, single people have gone into overdrive to find THAT person. Realistically, who in the hell can afford to live a single life anymore? Clearly, there is safety in numbers...2 incomes are better than one. How romantic!
Meet me at the altar in your white dress
We ain't gettin no younger we might as well do it
Been feelin' you all the while girl I must confess
Girl let's just get married I just want to get married
We ain't gettin no younger we might as well do it
Been feelin' you all the while girl I must confess
Girl let's just get married I just want to get married
Oh and please don't misinterpret this post as judgment. I'm right there in the middle. Trying to figure myself out(career wise, life goals, etc). All the while, trying to silence the unspoken mental mantra of "marriage before 30"... Despite knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that I can't even afford a wedding. Hell, I can't afford to travel to see my friends getting married(this year, I will miss my fourth wedding).
I did start this rant with a point in mind. Yesterday, being the eternal optimist, sadistic masochist, and supreme romantic, I watched both 'Bride Wars' and 'He's just not that into you' with my Sweets. I had an interesting train of thought after those movies, a less than obvious, personal rant in my own brain.
During the break-up proceedings with the ex (yes, I do look at the break up as a divorce....He got my ipod player, old ipod and the sympathy vote of friends and family, I got some jewelry and happiness) I told him that after nearly a decade I wasn't even sure if we'd make it to the altar. His response was "My plan was to marry you three years from now, once we were both more financially stable."
Was that supposed to be a 'this I promise you' moment? If so, I missed the memo. There we were with nothing more than a decades worth of 'one day' marriage convos between us and a 'piss in the wind' intention that he had failed to ever share with me(before that moment).
Sitting on the couch, I remember thinking:
"(surface thought)Hmm....Lets see....that would put that 'hope/wish' wedding somewhere in the 2011 ish timeframe." (deeper thought) I had already tried a hypothetical guest list(with a 50/50 split in guest slots) months before(he wasn't gung ho about that activity), but I couldn't fill my half of the list, so I moved slots over for his family, friends etc(I mean they are my family and friends too, right?). There was an implication that it would be a destination wedding(Jamaica, of course). The wedding party would be groomsmen-heavy, to accommodate his high school rat pack. It would cement two Jamaican families and be the ultimate high-school sweetheart wedding story. "(surface thought) Ok....hmm...everything we've (I've) been talkng about....if I can just be patient. What's another few years, it'll give me time to get myself together....hmm...I can't be mad at him for wanting to get himself together. He's a new homeowner, recent graduate, settling in his job...This is exactly what I wanted." (deeper thought)why three years? What if I'm not 'financially stable' in three years, then what? I don't even want to live in this state and someone with a mortgage and an job obligations isn't going to move any time soon. Am I making the mistakes my parents made? Why does what I think I want feel so dissatisfying?
Watching the movies, absorbing wedding mania on a day-to-day basis, being anywhere in the proximity of facebook's status section I've realized that we are all chasing something....I finally realized that subconsciously I've been chasing a marriage. The ex thought I was chasing an engagement and thought what I needed was the promise of a wedding. My older sister asked me if I felt like I was taking a step back by moving on. As I think about it today, I'm further along with the promise of a marriage than I ever was with the promise of a wedding.
'How you like them[sic] apples?'
I did start this rant with a point in mind. Yesterday, being the eternal optimist, sadistic masochist, and supreme romantic, I watched both 'Bride Wars' and 'He's just not that into you' with my Sweets. I had an interesting train of thought after those movies, a less than obvious, personal rant in my own brain.
During the break-up proceedings with the ex (yes, I do look at the break up as a divorce....He got my ipod player, old ipod and the sympathy vote of friends and family, I got some jewelry and happiness) I told him that after nearly a decade I wasn't even sure if we'd make it to the altar. His response was "My plan was to marry you three years from now, once we were both more financially stable."
Was that supposed to be a 'this I promise you' moment? If so, I missed the memo. There we were with nothing more than a decades worth of 'one day' marriage convos between us and a 'piss in the wind' intention that he had failed to ever share with me(before that moment).
Sitting on the couch, I remember thinking:
"(surface thought)Hmm....Lets see....that would put that 'hope/wish' wedding somewhere in the 2011 ish timeframe." (deeper thought) I had already tried a hypothetical guest list(with a 50/50 split in guest slots) months before(he wasn't gung ho about that activity), but I couldn't fill my half of the list, so I moved slots over for his family, friends etc(I mean they are my family and friends too, right?). There was an implication that it would be a destination wedding(Jamaica, of course). The wedding party would be groomsmen-heavy, to accommodate his high school rat pack. It would cement two Jamaican families and be the ultimate high-school sweetheart wedding story. "(surface thought) Ok....hmm...everything we've (I've) been talkng about....if I can just be patient. What's another few years, it'll give me time to get myself together....hmm...I can't be mad at him for wanting to get himself together. He's a new homeowner, recent graduate, settling in his job...This is exactly what I wanted." (deeper thought)why three years? What if I'm not 'financially stable' in three years, then what? I don't even want to live in this state and someone with a mortgage and an job obligations isn't going to move any time soon. Am I making the mistakes my parents made? Why does what I think I want feel so dissatisfying?
BACK TO PRESENT DAY
Watching the movies, absorbing wedding mania on a day-to-day basis, being anywhere in the proximity of facebook's status section I've realized that we are all chasing something....I finally realized that subconsciously I've been chasing a marriage. The ex thought I was chasing an engagement and thought what I needed was the promise of a wedding. My older sister asked me if I felt like I was taking a step back by moving on. As I think about it today, I'm further along with the promise of a marriage than I ever was with the promise of a wedding.
2 comments:
kudos on your closeness. i will soooooo post what ADS and I've been talking about. and what the rx techs have been discussing with my dad.
i think you and sha's name may come up in the future...
you know what? you have to do you. and i'm glad you did. the thought of "i still need more time" after a 10 year relationship is beyond appalling to me. if you don't know/aren't willing to move forward now, what is it really going to take? b/c like you said, that just sounded like a stall tactic and what if those parameters didn't happen? would he then say 4 more years? ugh. a step backwards? what a hurtful question. less so b/c the answer is no but still. ouch. i'm glad you're happy.
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