Nothing to Something

My birthday weekend was wonderful! LC got in Thursday night and we went right from the train station to dinner, kicking off what was 3 days of "What do you want to do?" with the responses ranging from "Nothing" to "Lets walk over there and see what's happening."

It was a weekend that was short on plans but long on hilarity and laziness.

The only downside was watching him leave this morning. The goodbyes are getting infinitely harder.

Bday Eve

I'm exhausted...I feel like i'm alllllllwwwaaaayyyysss exhausted. The best thing about my bday tomorrow is that I'm not going to work.

Jesus be a pillow.

My Way

I don't consider myself a brat or even particularly spoiled. However, I am starting to realize that I do not like to be told "no" nor do I want to be corrected. So maybe I am a brat, spoiled, and self-righteous.





I can't even believe I typed that.





Seriously, in my mind, I'm usually right. I hate admitting that I am wrong and even when wrong, I will try my best to shade my wrongness as a misunderstanding that eventually leads back to me being right.





"See you clearly misinterpreted what I was saying. I was saying what you said but in my own way."





A mess.





I also hate being late on something.





"Did you know that such-and-such did the whatcha-ma-jig?"





My usual response: "Yes, but it really was a copy cat of the original such-and-such who mastered the whatcha-ma-jig in 1972."





Smug bastard I am. Does it make me more smug and intolerable to blog about my belief in my rightness? Perhaps.

Heavy

My co-worker and her partner of 20 years left for their Australian vacation last week. Upon arrival, they rented a vehicle and while heading to their first destination got into a car accident. My co-worker was severly injured. Her partner died instantly.

Really?

I've seen the mercy and favor of God time after time. I've also seen tests, burdens, and struggles that render me speechless.

I don't question my after life. I'm 100% certain about how my story will end, but while I don't doubt heaven once I leave this earth. I question my ability to make it through hell while I'm here.

History in Print

My blog spans 2.75 relationships. The .75 covers the breakup that got me to start writing in the first place.

What I wrote then is all true, but can I be honest?

It's almost painful to read. I despise being wrong about things and nothing can be more wrong than "he's the man of my dreams" and then a post 3 months later with a new man.

I could delete those posts, but they are a part of what got me to this point. I could also start a whole new blog. Hmm...that idea is tempting to me for a myriad of reasons, most importantly, because there are things that I don't say here because too many of the people I want to blog about are actual readers.

Truth be told either option feels more political than artistic and so I've done neither. I am, however, often thinking about both.

Actually....now that I'm at the end of this post...I think I've figured out which direction I'm going in.

Stay Tuned.

Disarray

I woke up and took a look at my room, living room, and kitchen and the reality of my last few weeks hit me hard. I need to reset. The thing I haven't quite mastered is traveling every weekend, without letting my home base suffer.

Thankfully, my biggest issue is that things aren't where they're supposed to be. I would have made today a sick day if anything was actually "nasty."

When was the last time I went grocery shopping? When was the last time I did some exercise?

I honestly cannot answer either question.

LC and I determined that this weekend would be our "off" weekend, which basically means we remain in our respective city. I was quite geared up to fight that decision and head to DC anyway, but waking up to three partially unpacked weekend bags and just enough creamer for one cup of coffee has calmed me down a bit.

I Wish I Knew

Here are a few things that I wish someone had told me when I got to NY...

1. Flo Jo lives just beneath the surface of every New Yorker. You are never too cute to run and catch something. I thought I was until I saw a 3 train approaching and the only thing between me and an air conditioned seat was a flight of stairs.

Yea that happened...

2. Commuting cute is counter-productive.

Let it go. My first week here I wanted to completely exemplify what I thought was "the look" for someone working in fashion. It was the summer. It was 90 million degrees. I played the hell out of myself. My co-workers come to work as close to naked as possible and transform. If you can get to work by walking 5-10 blocks then yes, you get to stroll in wearing great heels etc. For everyone else, removeable layers and a bevy of flats (with heels in the tote) are the way to go.

3. The tote

Thank goodness I've always had a penchant for the hermione bag approach to life. If you aren't a Potter fan...Hermoine had a bag that contained a tent, radio, food, change of clothing, there may have been a body double in there. Lets just say, you wanted her on your team. Anyway, I quickly noticed that my co-workers travel with totes that have breakfast, lunch, shoes, gym clothes, a cute clutch and accessories (for post work events), weather appropriate layering items, etc. Basically, everything you need from sun up to sun down that you would otherwise put in your car if you had a car.

4. Weather Expert



I'm from south florida...we are acutely aware of what it's like to see rain every day at 3pm for an entire season. I felt completely prepared to tackle some rain Negative. I had a rain coat and rain boots, but I didn't need them...I had them because they were cute.

When you do not have the comfort of door to car to office to car to door living, weather appropriate gear is critical.

The first thing I do in the morning is watch the weather (then the train schedule). I need to know what I'm up against. It not only rained last summer, but it rained last fall and then snowed like no one's business last winter.

Ladies and gentleman I offically own a raincoat and rainboots, a light jacket, trenches, wool coats, a down bubble coat, mid boots, knee boots, waterproof flats, etc. The need for all weather attire was something that I couldn't for the life of me understand before (There are two seasons in Florida: hot and warm) I understand it fully now.

5. Invest in scarves

Again, I have a ton of scarves, because I like them. They cover all manner of sins. However, the importance of a scarf in every season ties back to my previous point. The weather, temperature, elements can change quickly and a scarf is a wonderful way to transition. From covering train seats and railings, to my head in a downpour or wind gust, to being a quick transition to work from night (or vice versa). My scarves have been a life saver.

6. Personal Space

Things are smaller. The space between tables in a restaurant...your booty meat (if you have it) will graze the top of someone's table just trying to get to your seat. Yum. Apartments are tiny and the streats are crowded.

Rush hour?



Conversely, there are a ton of parks and quiet places to make your own. It's just not going to be the same as suburbia.

7. Uptown & Downtown

Understanding where you are/where you want to be can be simplified by always having a concept of Uptown and Downtown. Know it and live it.

True story...one tipsy night I was leaving a work event and I, of course, didn't have cab money. I literally threw my body on the first train heading uptown and figured it out when I got to the Times Square stop. I STILL don't know what train I got on that night, but I knew I was downtown and needed to get uptown to get home.

8. Cabs

Cabs can come in the form of: a van, minivan, camry, prius, and lincoln town car. They can be yellow or not and since I live in Harlem understanding the concept of a livery cab (and what rides should cost) became critical...quickly.

9. Soundtrack for life/Personal Entertainment

My ipod and playlists became critical the second week I got here. I literally listen to my ipod on the commute to work, at work, while shopping after work, and on the way home. Occassionally, I'm on the phone, but I use the headset then too. I didn't understand how little people listen to the madness outside, until I decided to mute it and I've never gone back. Also, reading material became critical. I see more kindles, nooks, ipads, ipod touches, newspapers, and books on public transit in the course of one morning than I can remember in a month's time at home.

10. Be present

There will be a night when your bank account is dusty, you have exactly $2.25 on a MTA card, you've got an outstanding project due asap, the only thing in your fridge is cold air, you've crafted a look from a series of "not-so-dirty" items and there is a truth somewhere mid-scalp that need not be revealed, and you've happened to stumble into an event with free drinks/food.

Being present in that moment is critical. Even with all of the struggles you have, you should feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

More often than not everyone in this city is struggling, there is never enough money for the average person. You will not make enough to live in Manhattan and enjoy Manhattan. Well I don't. I had to make peace with it and take advantage of things when/where possible and just enjoy the "present." When I stop being able to enjoy those moments, it will be time to go.