Ramblings

1. I still can't seem to make it to the gym. It boils down to sleep or gym. Sleep seems to win every time.

2. My supervisor pulled my internet at work, not really sure why. Needless to say, I've been teaching myself how to play solitaire (macs don't come with solitaire pre-loaded so I hadn't played it before).

3. My new health insurance kicked in. I'm paying $140 less each month and my coverage is infinitely better. At the risk of over-sharing my monthly BC cost dropped by $30. Can I praise Jesus for cheaper BC? Seems like a cause to pause. Hmmm...I'm thankfully regardless.

4. I finally got 30 more minutes of sleep last night, bringing my total to 5 hours. Can I tell you how much better I feel this morning? Amazing!

5. I'm still job hunting, without much luck, but a challenge is a challenge.

6. Sweets and I are supposed to go to Jamaica in July for a bday/anny trip. I'm excited and apprehensive at the same time. More on that later.

7. In MOH news, some of the BM's did some research and decided that the bridal shower should be paid for and executed by the MOH and the bride's family. This is after they planned most of it. For politeness sake, I will refrain from "going in" but lets just say that was one reply that sat in my drafts for a few hours before I could hit send.

8. I finally feel a bit better abt my promotion, but I'm failing my sales metrics this month. The competitor in me hates that, the manager in me hates the fact that I'll have to write myself up, and the rest of me is too tired to really be concerned.

9. For the last two weeks I've had Tuesday nights off and didn't make it to Bible Study. I have no one to blame, but myself.

10. I realized that I didn't post anything for Vday. I have a sinking feeling that while 2010 will be a great year overall, the holidays will be just another "good day." I feel some kind of way about that.

11. Speaking of Bdays, my September bday does not stand a chance against the love of fall weddings (everyone), anniversaries (most of my family), etc. I need to rethink when I actually celebrate my bday so that everyone can actually afford to do something when it comes around.

Mad as Hell 4 No Reason

-I was so mad at you that I shut down until you left me alone.

-I couldn't understand why you'd be such a self-serving a-hole.

- I couldn't understand why you couldn't understand my disdain for you.

- I meant to give you a piece of mind, but got sidetracked talking sh*t about how mad I was at you.

- When we finally spoke I had gotten over it, sort of.

-In the span of the conversation I realized that I totally misread the situation and my anger was for naught.

-Glad I never actually said anything to you.

-My bad.

Shorts

My brain is completely fried which is why my posts are short and less structured. I'm trying to get back in the habit of writing and using that as a release.....bear with me.

And It Kills Me.....

The last few weeks have been incredibly busy and incredibly rough. Namely in the relationship department. Sweets is really working hard in the studio and I'm soooo proud of him. Studio time/studio hours means that we are living opposite lives. He works from 4pm-8am and I work 430am-9pm. Yea.....about that.

This is just the beginning I'm sure.

Fell off the Wagon

I went shopping today. I bought several articles of clothing, tons of jewelry, made a hair/brow appointment and got my nails done. Basically, I blacked out and lost my mind and spent sooo much money.

I don't even know why.

That's a lie. I know why. This is the downside to working so damn much. Ever so often I completely lose sight of my financial planning and I just want to have a great time. I just want to have something to show for a 98 hour work week. Unfortunately, I know have a lot of "somethings" to show for it.

I will learn one day.

Pictures

I need to clean and purge the things in my room. There is one section that I haven't touched in two years. It's the bag of "ex things/memories" that I packed, stuffed in a corner and put out of my mind. One part of me thinks that I should just toss it. The other part of me thinks its worth keeping, since it's my history (much like horrid 8th grade pictures).

We've talked about what to do with jewelry from the ex, I got rid of the credit card and misplaced the key....the pictures though I'm hesitant about. I'd love your opinion esp since 50% of the people that read this blog are in at least one of those pics.

Crazy

I don't know how to turn off the reminders in my head. I don't know how to live in the moment and enjoy what is going on right now. I can't let go of the feeling that I'm behind. I worry that I'm going to drive myself and my other half crazy.