Doctor Musings

So I've been here in NY for just over a year and just had my first drs. appt. while the appointment itself was less than pleasant there were a few things that reminded me that I was far from Florida.

1. The office was nestled (and by nestled I mean hidden) between two giant stores on one of the more busy streets in this hot city. Ummm I walked past it no less than 6 times. Crossed the street...stared at columns...I mean seriously Harry Potter had an easier time getting to platform 9 3/4.

2. I finally find this place. I walk into the the office and I'm told to fill out some paperwork and take a seat. On my way to my seat I notice a puddle on the floor.

Now, I've come to realize that I pay attention to certain things based on my environment. For instance, when I go to my eye appointments I map out obstacles in my walking path before removing my contacts, because they like to challenge you by dialating your pupils then asking you to dismount from the elevated eye chair, leave the darkened room and make your way out to hallway. Seriously?

I was at the lady doctors so water on the floor...I assume that's amniotic fluid and make the widest circle to skip out on baby juice. No need to dampen my sandles. No...it absolutely could not have been zephyhills on the floor. I'm convinced it's baby juice.

3. So I get to the back and I have a jarring realization that there is not an office scrub in that place. Now I'm all confused. In my Florida doctor offices you know you are about to see scrubs and french-tip manicures. I don't understand the correlation, but that is what you get. This office had clearly gone rogue. Everyone was in street clothes. Not a name badge in site. No animal print, baby-phat spring 09 edition scrubs ...nothing! It was like everyone was walking by and decided to stop for a second and help out.

4. I get to the room and the nurse (or kind passerby) says to me..."oh well you're wearing a dress so you can just pull that up...no need to put on the gown."

Well...so..um..but...ok...so if you will remember in past posts (I don't have it in me to find it, just trust me on this) I had an issue with the tissue paper being stingy and unsightly. So the option to not jump into a gown was fantastic. However, I just didn't know how to proceed. I mean do I leave my shoes on too? Do you offer steam services post procedure so that I don't look like I just got it in with the cute guy at the desk? Just wondering.

5. When in rome...so I thank the passerby and hike up my dress and sit down and I realize the fundamental difference between New York and Florida. There is less expectation for posterior girth. I promise you! That landing strip of paper was as effective as any article of clothing or scrunchi-fashioned clothing CoCo has ever worn ever.

SMH

5. (cont) So inevetably there was booty meat on the actual table. Not much I can do there. So while I play a game of hot potato of the booty cheek which involves shifting my weight from side to side so that no cheek spends more than 30 seconds on the table I start to stare at the room.

6. Florida is painfully new. Like have lunch with your founders new, or built in 1996 new. So while they lipsticked the hell out of this pig of an office it was clear that it had seen its prime and that may have been 100 years ago.

7. The doctor came in and got to business. She was thorough and quick and when she was done with me I lept out of the msyterious office and back into the streets as if nothing had happened.

There is a whole city underground, on the ground, above the ground, and even in mysterious places that exist in hidden realms much like platform 9 3/4.